


Only Himself to Blame

by rideswraptors



Series: Before Harry [1]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: 6th to 7th year, F/M, M/M, Marauders' Era
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-17
Updated: 2016-02-17
Packaged: 2018-05-21 08:24:44
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 24,422
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6044788
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rideswraptors/pseuds/rideswraptors
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>So really, in the end there was a confluence of events that lead to Lily Evans in James Potter’s bed. A great many events. First, her discovery of Remus’ secret. The second was Severus Snape making a crack at Sirius Black about his cousin Andromeda. And the third was Severus asking to speak to Lily in the owlery after dinner.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Only Himself to Blame

**Author's Note:**

> Listen, I know Lily & James got together in their 7th. But the Snape thing happened in 6th. So while I acknowledge the decision made, it was a stupid decision, and I've elected to ignore it.  
> I also have no clue when or if Regulus Black ever left Hogwarts. *Shrugs*

Lily Evans discovered the truth of Remus Lupin’s “furry little problem” in the most obvious way imaginable: she figured it out on her own. She didn’t actually piece it together until she was a prefect and finally noticed that there were patterns to their schedule. One week out of the month, Remus looked ill and disappeared with a poor excuse about his mother’s health. And for the two days following his return, Sirius Black was subdued, Peter Pettigrew was more chipper than usual, and James Potter’s head deflated to such a degree that it was noticeable. Pranks around this time were nonexistent, according to the chart she’d drawn up over a five month period, but resumed quickly within the following week. And, as Lily was beginning to notice, the boys hovered around Remus, clucking and fussing and always close by. She also noticed that the three were exceptionally helpful when it came to his lessons and homework and making sure he had notes. In Sirius’ case, this meant flirting with Marlene McKinnon to get a copy of her pristine ones.

The important thing about the timing was that it was always at the time of the full moon.

All it took was a little bit of research in her down time to put it together. Severus’ constant suspicions and complaining certainly didn’t hurt her research either. She was under the assumption that since Remus was at school and given so many liberties, that Dumbledore and the staff most likely knew of his condition. That wasn’t what concerned her in the least. It was actually a problem that she _knew_ at all. Of course, even without actual proof, it resolved _so_ many questions that she had. But she felt so bloody guilty for it! Just for knowing it. Remus hadn’t confided in her, and they were on friendly terms no matter what _Potter_ had to say about it. And Remus really was very sweet and clever and a loyal friend. There was only one solution to it, to her mind, and that was to keep her mouth shut. No matter how much she wanted to inquire after his health and fret like his friends, Lily made the firm choice that she wouldn’t say a word unless absolutely necessary. It didn’t even occur to her that she should be afraid. It was _Remus_ , for lord’s sake.

It was nearing the end of their sixth year, and all that talk of a dark wizard and his cult following attacking muggles and muggle-borns had everyone on edge. There was hardly a single student who didn’t know and was friends with at least one muggle-born or a half-blood student. They were afraid, they were afraid for their friends and their families and for the future. Lily didn’t want to think about it at all, but there was hardly a day that went by that she wasn’t embroiled in some political argument with one person or another. She was gratified to know that she and Remus were of similar minds on most issues. But her arguments with others were never as heated or as vicious as those between Sirius Black and certain cliques in Slytherin. His relatives, to be more precise. There was hardly a student in Slytherin that Sirius wasn’t related to in one way or another. The elders of the bunch took to picking at him in the corridors, provoking him, calling him a traitor and other horrible things. Some were not so horrible as they were inaccurate. For example, the Slytherins liked to believe that Sirius and James boffed each other in broom closets and that’s why Sirius had left home to live with the Potters. In actuality, Lily suspected that Sirius’ attentions were directed toward a thin, sandy haired prefect who had the tendency to disappear around the time of the full moon. Not that Lily would comment on that either.

So really, in the end there was a confluence of events that lead to Lily Evans in James Potter’s bed. A great many events. First, her discovery of Remus’ secret. The second was Severus Snape making a crack at Sirius Black about his cousin Andromeda. And the third was Severus asking to speak to Lily in the owlery after dinner.

“…I just don’t understand you, Lily, it’s just a word! It doesn’t mean _anything_!”

“It means _everything_ Severus! Everything because you’ll never choose me first, you’ll never be my friend first. You love your dark arts and your death eaters more than you care about _me_!” His face had gone so dark, his eyes so black that she actually felt a chill pass down her spine and took a step back from him. He had such a horrid temper, and honestly, she couldn’t know if he would hurt her or not. But then a twisted smile formed on his face, a grimace, something terrible. She whispered out his name.

“This is about _Potter_ , isn’t it?”

“What? Of course not!” Her protest fell on deaf ears as he grabbed at her arm, squeezing. “Let me _go_.”

“He’s in love with you, _obsessed_. I heard him and his cohorts snickering about his plans for you, about how he’s planning to asking you out. You’re going to say yes, aren’t you? You’re going to say yes to that arrogant, conceited half-witted—” He was cut off when Lily slapped him.

“And so what if I did? Maybe he’s arrogant, but he’s kind when he wants to be. Why can’t you just let it go? Why can’t you just leave him and all of it alone?”

“I knew it!” he sneered. “You’re _in love_ with him!”

“And what is it to you? I’m just a _filthy mudblood_ , not fit to be seen with you, aren’t I? _James_ and his friends don’t have the same problem, why shouldn’t I enjoy spending time with them?”

He threw her arm away, revealing angry red marks that would probably wither to bruises. But Severus’ sneer didn’t fade. “Fine, have it your way. But I’ll show you the kind of fools you claim to want. I’ll show you exactly the sort you’re gallivanting around with!”

“What the bloody hell are you talking about?” she shouted at him as he began to storm away.

He turned suddenly jabbing a finger in her direction, “I’m going to _expose_ them once and for all. I _know_ things, and tonight, I will _expose_ them as the dithering, pathetic prigs they are!” He said it so viciously that she was frozen in place, unable to respond as he left her there. And it took her a moment, it took her a long, sluggish moment for something to click into place. _Tonight was the full moon_. _Remus_.

James! The moon would be rising in less than half hour. And all she could think was that James could fix it, he would know what to do. So she ran. She ran as fast and as hard as she could toward the Common Room, toward where she knew James and his friends would be holed up until everyone went to sleep. She was correct, James, Sirius, and Peter were sprawled out around the fire tossing a quaffle between them and chatting quietly. There were several others lounging around, studying or half asleep. But everyone was jolted by their sixth year prefect barreling through the portrait, hair wild and tears streaming down her face. At her entrance, the Marauders stood, hands going to their wands to hex the hell out of whoever had caused those tears. She ran straight to James, babbling and trying to explain, he was holding her up, eyes wildly searching for some kind of explanation. Instead of pressing down on her, grabbing her arms as Severus had, James’ hands went to cup her face, forcing her gently to look at him.

“Lily! _What’s wrong_?” And damn her if all of the hysteria quieted when she was looking him dead in the eyes.

“ _Remus_. James, _Severus is going to Remus_.” He looked a little bewildered, confused as to what she was saying and she felt her knees almost buckle. “Severus is looking for Moony _right now_!” Her voice was so hoarse and harsh that it came out as whisper, but Sirius was close enough to hear it. And he laughed.

“Good riddance!”

James’ hands suddenly dropped away, his face went white as he whipped around to face his best mate and brother, “What did you do?” For once the loquacious Sirius Black was floored by James’ expression. That was certainly not a look that had ever been aimed in his direction. But the boy just shrugged.

“Old boy’ll just scare ‘im.”

“Goddamn you, Sirius!” And James was out the portrait hole in less than a moment, Peter and Sirius bickering in his wake. Lily felt herself sink into the couch that they’d vacated, felt all of the tears slip from her eyes as she sobbed, hoping against all hope, but so conflicted on what was happening. Severus was being a prig, and probably deserved all of Sirius’ ire. But it was _Remus_ and if something happened to Severus, then Remus would be blamed for it. Imprisoned, executed, each thought was more horrible than the last. She sat there and fretted and worried, ignoring everyone’s pleas that she go up to bed, that she get some rest. They didn’t _know_ , couldn’t know, what was happening. And just when she couldn’t take it anymore, just when she thought she would burst from not knowing what was going on, Peter slipped in through portrait hole, looking pained and exhausted.

“Peter!” she let out in a rush, getting up to meet him. He looked pale and terrible. “Where’s James?  And Sirius? What happened?  Is Remus…? Peter, say something!”

He exhaled shakily, holding onto her hands. “It’s all…fine. In a way. Everyone’s okay. James got there before, and Snape wasn’t too badly hurt, just shook up a bit. And James…” he exhaled. “He took the brunt of it, but…” he paused, “It’s all fine.” In a wave of relief, Lily sunk to the couch again and let out a sob. Peter followed her. “Lily, we need to…we have to know…How did you _know_?” And for the first time in over a year, she told him everything, everything that she’d been keeping to herself, and about her meeting with Severus, about what he’d said. And Peter just nodded as if he should have guessed it all along.

“Prongs…James, I mean, he said he thought you knew something. He wouldn’t say how or why, but he knew…” 

“But it’s _Remus_ , and I couldn’t…I would _never_ ,” she insisted. “It’s just that Sev was so intent on _exposing_ you all and getting back at me for…” She sobbed. “For everything. Oh Peter! This is all my fault! I’m so sorry!” She curled into the couch, crying. Peter followed again, flopping back with a huff.

“Naw,” he muttered. “We reckon this one is on Sirius. Snivellus made that damn crack about Dromeda and her sprog and with Regulus leaving school to join the death eaters, he just _lost it_. Told ‘im where Remus goes to, you know, do his thing, thinking it was some big joke.”

“He can’t have _meant_ to.”

“He did. Padfoot hates ‘im. Hates Snape and the whole lot to the bottom of ‘is soul. He probably thought Sniv wouldn’t show or that we’d get there before and scare ‘im off.”

“But the moonrise?”

“Wasn’t thinking. Didn’t think about timing. Or that we might be too late.” Lily let out another sob, and she felt him pat her hands. “We weren’t though. We got there on time. But Snape knows now, and who knows what will happen to Remus.”

“I should have stopped him.”

“What?”

She turned, looking Peter in the eye, “We argued, I got angry with him. Furious. If I had just backed off, but no, I had to provoke him, make him think…”

“What did you make him think, Lily?” he asked kindly. As if he didn’t know what would push Severus Snape over the edge. As if the whole thing wasn’t absolutely clear. And he knew it, she _knew_ that he knew.

“Oh, Peter,” she started crying again, foolish thing that she was. And Peter was kind about it, not squeamish or jittery or trying to bolt away. He just patted her back and held her hand there, whispering occasionally that it wasn’t her fault and everyone was okay.

“Prongs’ll want to see you,” Peter told her when she calmed down, “In the morning, you know. Sirius is with Remus until the moon goes back down, but James had to get Severus to the hospital wing.”

“James took him?” she asked, her voice watery and hoarse. “He hates Sev.” There was no other obvious conclusion though, Lily had gone to James to save Severus. Without hesitation, James had done it. How could she be surprised? But still, it surprised her. And the only person there to quell it was Peter Pettigrew. The answer was a languid shrug.

“Jamie’s mad about you, Lily. And from where I sit, he loves you more than he hates Snape.” It took the breath right out of her. Pulled the rug. A hundred thousand other muggle expressions to describe how lopsided and upside down she felt about the whole sodding thing.

“I said that to Sev, tonight,” she whispered. He raised his brows and she took that as a prompt. “I told him he didn’t care about me more than he cared about _them_.”

“Oh.”

“Yeah,” she whispered. “Oh.”

“Blimey, now I’ll never get a shot with you,” he laughed loudly for a second before calming down, “Just messing, Lil. But honestly, you should tell ‘im.”

“Tell who what?”

“ _James_. Tell him.”

“I don’t…”

“You do,” he interrupted. “And it’s about bloody time you two gits sort your shit out. Makin’ us right mad, y’are.”

“ _Oh Peter_ …”

He finally managed to convince her to go up to bed to get some rest, even though he had no intention of doing the same. James had asked him to look after Lily, to make sure she got some sleep, and let her know that they’d taken care of everything. After watching the redhead make her way up the stairs, Peter transformed in to Wormtail, and made use of his usual routes to the hospital wing to watch over James.

*

Morning came far too soon for James Potter’s liking. He could have used another 12 years of sleep. _Bloody hell, Moony_. His whole fucking body hurt, and he slowly remembered why. _Snivellus_. If he’d done as he was told, if he hadn’t insisted on trying to go after Moony. Ugh, the whole thing was a goddamn nightmare. Snape knew. Snape _knew_ about Remus and that was the worst goddamn thing, and it was Sirius that done it. _Sirius_ , one of their own, had broken the first fucking rule of their friendship. _Protect Remus_.  He was furious, with Sirius, with Snape, with himself. He should have fucking _known_. Pads was on edge, he’d been on edge since Nymphadora was born and then fucking _Snape_ made that comment about the little girl being _peculiar_. Sirius lost it. James understood it. But using Moony was going too far, and James should have been there to make him listen to reason.

And Lily.

 _Lily_.

He just fucking _knew_ that she’d figured out what was going on with Remus. James would never admit it, but even after what he called The Incident, he’d watched Lily Evans just as much as ever. And during their Charms class, when she was lecturing Cattermole about something or other, he’d swiped her diary from her bag. At first, he’d thought it would be a good laugh, just to see how she was so scheduled up. But a piece of parchment had slipped out, it was filled out with dates and times and incidents. Their names, too, the Marauders. Things they’d done, and then dates, underlined, the phases of the moon noted out in the margins. He put the sodding thing back before she ever even noticed. But he’d _watched_ her after that, following her on the map just in case. But never a word, never a whisper. Nothing suspicious with one glaring exception. She’d run to the Head Boy, to ask to change the prefect schedules around. Remus was never on the schedule for patrols or meetings or any kind of prefect duties for the full week around the full moon. When Remus told them that, suddenly relieved, James’ first question was who replaced him. _Lily Evans_. That was all the confirmation he’d needed that she knew. And the first time she uses that information, it’s to save motherfucking _Snape_. Because, of course, Snape would always come first.

He heard a loud groan to his right and squinted one eye open to see Snape two beds down. Pathetic. Hardly a scratch compared to what Remus usually came in with. Fuck Snape. He heard a whimper to his left, and turned to see Moony resting peacefully on the bed next to him. If he had the energy, and about a dozen less bruises, he would have got up and shoved their beds together so that Moony knew he wasn’t alone. Fucking hated waking up alone after a night like that. There was movement at his feet, scampering until there was a little whoosh and Peter was at his bedside.

“Ey Wormy,” he muttered. “How goes?”

Ever the faithful lieutenant, Wormtail summoned a chair and sat down. “Moony got you along the back, near split you in two. Remus is fine, shook up but fine. Pomfrey put him under again cause he was so worked up.”

“The others?”

“Snape’s leg is broken, no blood though.” James scoffed. “Right? Lucky sod. Poms put him under cause he wouldn’t quit his caterwauling. Padfoot is outside. Moony kicked him out while you were under, boy’s still raring.”

“Don’t blame ‘im.”

“Oughta hash it out sometime,” Peter said mildly.

“Sometime is not this morning.” Peter grunted, neither agreeing or disagreeing, as was his way. James noticed his fidgeting, “All right there, Wormtail? Didn’t get you, did he?”

“Nah,” the boy scoffed. “N’more than usual. Mine was a quick fix. Set me right before I…” he used a hand to gesture his trailing off. After getting to Snape, James had given him one job.

 _Lily_.

“How is she?” James asked softly, cutting him off.

“Hopefully, she is asleep,” Peter said with a shrug. James scowled, making his friend relent. “Upset. Distraught. Damn certain the whole calamity is her fault.” James swore. “Told me how she figured it though, old Moony’s furry problem. Clever.”

“ _Brilliant_ ,” James corrected. “Right swot, though.”

Peter hummed. “Feels awful ‘bout it all. Figures she should have stopped wickle Snivelly from charging down to the Willow.”

James snorted, “Not when Sirius was involved. Still dunno what he said to our favorite Slytherin to entice him down.”

“S’pose we’ll have to ask.”

“Needs must,” James growled back. He saw the look of disappointment cross Peter’s feature, knew that he thought he was being too hard on Padfoot. James couldn’t find it in himself to give a shit. Let the bastard suffer for a day or two. Peter still looked uncomfortable. “ _What_?”

He cleared his throat and looked pointedly out the window, “Uhm, I told Lily to come see you.”

“Piss off,” he muttered. Even if he did ask, she wouldn’t do. To see Snivels, maybe…He felt Peter nudge his arm, shooting him a meaningful look. “ _What Wormy_?”

“She came to you, mate. Worst case, catastrophe, world’s falling apart, and she comes to you. First thing. No teachers, no Dumbledore. No _rules_. She came to you.”

“To save Snivellus.”

“Funny, that. She didn’t even ask after him.” He smirked, “Told her the lot, though, that he was al’ight, gonna pull through just fine. That we got there before ol’ Moony ripped him a new one. But _lord_ did he go mental when you got Snivels away from him. Clawed right into your back, didn’ he?”

“ _Peter_.”

“Right. Yeah.” He clapped his mate on the shoulder. “First words out her mouth? _Where’s James_?” Peter stood, kicking a foot against the floor with a thoughtful look on his face. “So do something about it before I push the pair o’ ya from the Astronomy Tower, ya hear?”

It was something Sirius would say. With more flourish, more vehemence, and more volume, sure, but it wasn’t something _Peter_ would say to him. Except that it was. Peter always set James straight in the end, even when it wasn’t what James wanted to hear. See, that was the thing about Peter. He was so quiet and unassuming that people forgot he was listening and paying attention. Forgot that he saw everything. He knew too much, and he liked it that way. Sirius challenged James to be brilliant, Remus made James choose his loyalties, and Peter put him back on course when everything had gone to shit. When everything looked dismal, Peter was the one who pointed to the obvious solution. He made it easy. That’s what his mum had always said; Pete would set him right. And, in that moment, James had never been more grateful for his friend. One day he’d figure out how to show him. But right then, James just scowled and told him to go scrounge up some breakfast because no doubt Pomfrey would have some horrid cardboard rubbish. Peter left and Snape whined again, and James had never had such a strong urge to murder someone in his life. He screwed his eyes shut and started making a list of every hex he could feasibly use. It was almost therapeutic, almost.

He must have been grumbling to himself because he heard a soft laugh from the entryway. As if the morning hadn’t been migraine-inducing enough, yes, please, add Lily Evans to the roster. The mature thing to do would have been to open his eyes, maybe sit up and greet the girl who’d saved a few lives the night before, but there was not a soul alive who would say James Fleamont Potter was _mature_.

“Peter told me you were awake.”

“I’m putting fizzing whizzbees in his toothpaste,” James grumbled with a short sigh. And he did, in fact, sit up, because let it never be said that Euphemia Potter had raised a complete tosser. He was spurred along by the fact that Lily was perhaps the least blameless person in this mess, and the least he could do was look her in the eye and thank her for saving Remus from what would have been certain death had something happened to her beloved Snivellus. _Funny_ , Peter’s voiced echoed in his head with that sardonic grin etched on his face. Bloody Wormtail with his sensible speeches. But Lily wasn’t privy to James’ internal rambling, and simply occupied the chair Peter had left, sitting very oddly stiff and her eyes skirted about the room, avoiding his probably.

“Excessively juvenile of you.”

James shrugged. “Wormy hates fizzers.” As if that was explanation enough. It would have been for Padfoot and Moony, who would have laughed uproariously, asking what poor Wormtail had done to deserve such a fate. It all related back to an incident in their first year when a Slytherin had pulled some grotesque stunt on poor Wormy involving the sweet, and ever since he couldn’t stomach the sight of the blighters, let alone eat them. James reserved them for the most heinous of crimes.

“How are you feeling?” she asked quietly, clearing her throat a little. He watched the way she swallowed and touched the hair by her ear, the way she kept fidgeting her legs like she couldn’t get comfortable. “Peter only said…”

“I’m all right. Just sporting. Back’s ripped open and I’m contemplating multiple homicides, so…”

“ _James_ ,” she said pathetically. It caused a twinge in his chest, the way she sounded so wretchedly miserable. He hated to think that he was part of the reason for it. In the past, he’d said she was a prudish little swot with no sense of humor, but that had never really been completely true. And no matter how loudly he proclaimed it, he’d never truly believed it himself. Rejection stings and he’d never been immune. But here she was, at his sickbed, inquiring after his well-being and, it seemed, studiously ignoring Snape’s.

“Sorry. Being a prat. Hardly the worst present I’ve received courtesy of our dear Moony, but he was in a foul temper last night. Got me a mite deeper. Poms’ll set me right.”

“Madam Pomfrey?” she asked uncertainly, probably because of the nickname. “James, I…”

“Thank you,” he said cutting her off. For the first time, her eyes landed directly on him, focused on his person instead of everywhere around it. “For coming to me last night, and not someone else. If it weren’t for you...Well, we all know what would have happened.”

“Is he okay?”

“Sni—Snape? Fine, broke his leg or whatever during the tussle. Had to knock him out to get him back here, so he wouldn’t fight me on it.” She had an odd look on her face, lips twisted up to the side as if holding in something. “Out with it, Evans, I’m not so delicate that you can’t lash me with that tongue of yours.”

Her eyes narrowed, “I _meant_ Remus,” she snapped out. Despite himself, James felt a certain kind of victory in her tone and manner, riling her up so unwittingly. And in a way that she couldn’t truly criticize. So he smirked, and refused to believe that her expression softened in return. His mind flashed back to the month before, a short walk to the Great Hall her arm in his, cheerfully oblivious to everything around them.

“Moony’s a tough lad. He’ll be decent once he’s got a belly full of food. Always is the morning after.” He mellowed. “But you already knew that.” Evans had the decency to look guilty and thoroughly chastised. “Been over a year. You could have said something.”

He watched her mouth gape open and snap shut at that. She should know better than to doubt his ability to know what he shouldn’t; he’d made a career of it.

“To what end?”

“It’s _his_ secret. His life. He _decides_. Not you. Not me. Not anyone.”

“I didn’t want him to worry,” she admitted miserably.

“I figured.” He swallowed. “And that’s all you know? About his monthlies?”

She fidgeted. “Well…” she started slowly. “I have to assume that Dippet knew and told Dumbledore, so there would have been certain security measures put into place in order to accommodate him. So he probably goes somewhere specific when he’s _ill_. And since you four are so close, I can only assume that you discovered the situation early on and devised a way to keep him company.” He arched a brow, waiting for her to finish. “Considering the danger involved and since it’s _you_ , I came up with six different options, all of which are illegal and more impossible for wizards your age than the one before.” She spoke in such a rush that he wondered he understood her at all, and under his scrutiny, she seemed to be turning a particularly lovely shade of carnelian. He took note of the fact that she didn’t factor in their skills and abilities. “But without more data, six was as far as I got.”

James huffed out a laugh, “And here I’d only ever thought of the one.”

“Which is probably the most dangerous and most illegal of the lot,” she muttered. And for a split second, he almost hurled back his riposte, but better judgement and exhaustion got to him.

“Probably,” he sighed, trying to shift on the bed. Damn uncomfortable things, they were. If only Poms would let them transfigure some proper mattresses…

“You’re animagi, aren’t you? The three of you.”

“Experimenting with human transfiguration outside of the classroom before one is completely certified is very dangerous, Evans,” he promptly deadpanned without missing a beat. “A bloke would be mad to do a thing like that.”

“Or motivated.” He felt her eyes boring into him and was unable to resist the pull, so he stared right back, and tried to school his expression into something remotely condescending instead of the worshipful adoration she deserved.

“Hypothetically,” he said evenly, eyes darting around her expression, looking for a hint of her intentions. “If a certain student with a certain amount of authority learned such a thing was taking place for whatever reasons, noble or ignoble, what would said student do with said information?”

She bit her lip. “Hypothetically, such a student would want all of the facts, and if she had them, and they were noble reasons, then she might keep her trap shut for the greater good.” And James just couldn’t stop himself from beaming at her, silly sod that he was, completely and utterly gone on the girl next to him. “Hypothetically,” she laughed a little, “such a student would be very curious to know the resulting forms of such experimentation.”

He felt his stomach flip at the eager look in her eyes. Bloody hell, she was _impressed_. The one sodding thing he’d ever done to _not_ impress people; the one achievement he’d kept to himself, and it’s what drew her in the most. She was going to be the death of him, no doubt of it. Willful, excruciatingly painful death. But when had he ever been capable of denying her?

“ _Hypothetically_ , in the strictest sense of the term, such an experimenter would prompt such a student to think back to the patronus forms produced by the aforementioned experimenters and draw her own conclusions.” There had only been a handful among their year to produce a fully formed patronus, and the Marauders were among them. Their happiest memories had been obvious; for Remus it was when they discovered his secret and kept it, for Sirius it was getting into Gryffindor with his mates, and for Peter it was their first night together under the full moon. For James, it was somewhat more muddled. His childhood had been blissful. Meeting Sirius, and then Peter and Remus had just been icing on the cake. He’d been flying since he could walk. All of his happy memories were with others. But the strongest and brightest moment was the first time he’d transformed, when he’d run free across the grounds, unencumbered by his doubts and hopes and fears, he’d sprinted through the forest, around the lake and up the hill to come to a tumbling finish at the foot of the Willow, laughing harder than he had his whole life. He’d just made Quidditch captain. Remus made prefect. Sirius flawlessly flooded the Slytherin Common Room. And he’d decided to try and ask Evans out again. It had been _exhilarating_ feeling that high, that on top of the world.  And the Marauders were a large part of that.

 When her mouth dropped open just so, forming a little “o,” James did everything in his power not to kiss the daylights out of her. He knew when she’d remembered; her face was so open to interpretation, every emotion playing out across her features without restraint. It was so baffling that he knew what she was feeling at almost any given time, without ever knowing what she _felt_.

“ _Prongs_ ,” she whispered with meaning. At her brilliant smile, he nodded, happy that she’d pieced even that little bit together. They sat there in companionable silence for a few long moments; and James wanted to burst out laughing applying that particular adjective to their interaction, given their history. It wasn’t even all that bad considering that she knew his chief and most cherished secret, considering that she could eviscerate their little group with a small word to their headmaster. Once upon a time, he might have underestimated and disapproved of her so much that he wouldn’t trust her discretion. But infatuation had turned to respect somewhere down the line, and the fact that she’d kept silent about Remus’ situation went a long way in comforting him. He was about to say something to that effect when he saw it; ugly, mottled marks on her forearm. _Hand and finger shaped_ marks. And once again his blood was boiling, skin tight, chest heaving as his eyes zoned in on every detail of their shape and size. Her own expression grew in alarm at his obvious anger until she spotted the source; immediately she pulled down the sleeve of her nut-brown jumper, reddening furiously.

“I will _skin_ him,” James hissed out, already attempting to shove off the bed. He was stopped by a light hand to his chest, and realized Lily was up and out of her seat trying to get him back down. She was opening and shutting her mouth frantically, searching for words. “Don’t you _dare_ defend him, Lily, don’t tell me it’s nothing.”

She looked like she finally inhaled again, “It’s not nothing,” she breathed out, folding herself up into the space of the bed he’d shifted from. Her hands had drifted from his chest and bicep to his forearms and then to his hands. She was holding his hands, shooting a wary look over to Snape not too far away.

“I provoked him,” she mumbled, “He got angry.”

“That’s not…” he started to yell out righteously, but one of her hands shot up to cover his mouth. Goddamn it, he wasn’t _wrong_.

“It’s done,” she said quietly, subdued in a way that was _so fucking wrong_ for Lily Evans. “It’s not nothing, but it’s done, and I’m _asking_ you to leave it alone.”

Several things occurred to James Potter in that moment. The first among them was that Lily Evans, the subject of his every hope and desire for six years, was in bed with him. He was a teenage boy, after all. The second was that his back felt loads better for having sat up and stretched. The third was that he was struck by just how far he was willing to go to please her with no assurance of her regard or friendship. He knew right in that moment that she could jump from his bed, run to Snape, declare her undying love for the slimy git, and James wouldn’t say a word about the bruises. A rather histrionic scenario, but dramatic enough for his teenage sensibilities. Because gauging how Lily was attempting to make herself comfortable and still holding his _sodding_ hands, she had no intention of going anywhere. With all of that information buzzing around his brain, it was a wonder he managed to sit upright.

“ _Lily_ ,” was all he succeeded in miserably groaning out. And then she was invading his space and the world was ending because her arms were around him and her forehead was pressed to his, and _dear lord_ he could have died a happy man in that moment. James’ arms immediately hooked around her waist and brought her properly into his lap, hands gripping her soft curves firmly.

“I’m so sorry,” she whispered, and she pressed a kiss to his temple. He hadn’t the faintest idea as to what she was apologizing for, but this was it, this was how he would die. Right there in the hospital wing, with Lily Evans in his lap. “I can’t even begin to… _James_.” Her voice was so desperate and the weight of her was so warm and soothing against him that there was nothing for it. He had to kiss her. Just had to. Without much thought or preamble, his hand shot up to cup her head as he pressed his lips to hers, gently and firmly, retreating just so to give her space. Or to hex him into next year. Though, he was hardly fully culpable for his actions since _she_ had invaded _his_ space. Probably was still going to hex him, it was a statistical likelihood. But miracle of miracles, she followed him pressing herself more firmly to him, arms winding around his neck. She ushered him back against the headboard so that she was slightly over him, using the angle to layer kiss after kiss, letting him lick his way in and escalate the exchange into something dizzying and heady, an utter release of every tension. She was so warm against him, he just wanted to dive into her and never come out.

“Bout damn time,” came a grumble to their left.

Alas, it wasn’t meant to be. They pulled apart suddenly, Lily jerking away so sharply that his back throbbed enough that he yelped. Fortunately, that got her attention on him again, but he had to bat away her inquisitive hands, insisting he was fine and to stop _fussing_. That earned him a scowl and a pinch.

“Awake there, are you Moony? Might warn a lad.”

“Hard to sleep while some inconsiderate _wanker_ is snogging one bed over.”

“Sorry Remus,” Lily said genuinely and with no small amount of remorse.

“Oh not you, love,” Remus tutted, “you’re the one snogging the inconsiderate wanker. My quarrel is with him as he’s the one who ought to have some sense of self-control in this situation.” Leave it to Remus to be articulate and posh after the night he’d had.

“Oi!”  James protested, but there was very little heat in his tone because Lily’s arms were back around his neck and she was leaning into him like she never wanted to leave, and how the bloody hell was he supposed to stay angry in such a position?

Remus hummed. “Wormtail informs me that Moony ripped Prongs’ back something awful. Good, then?”

“Flawless restoration, as per usual.”

“Good show, Poms.”

“Indeed.”

Lily had shoved her face into his neck and was nuzzling there, since Remus seemed determined to keep his eyes trained on the ceiling. He felt her taking deeper breaths, trying to regulate her breathing. It wasn’t a bad idea considering how fraught the few square feet around them were with tension.

“I believe I am in your debt, Lily. And that I owe you the most sincere bout of gratitude that I could possibly muster up from these cursed bones of mine.” He clicked his tongue thoughtfully. “Both of you, come that.”

“You don’t owe me anything, Remus.”

“Hang that, I want my history essays done all next semester,” James chirped irreverently, utterly _ruining_ the moment. Or, at least, Lily seemed to believe so by her murderous expression. He characteristically ignored it. “And, I’ll need you to address me as _sir_ for at least a month.” He got a punch to the shoulder for that. But, as James had suspected, the rumble of his friend’s laughter grew and took shape and rolled out into the room as this bright and blessed thing. And, as usual, it infected James so fully that he couldn’t help but laugh too. That bright and blessed thing infected Lily too, making her giggle and squirm in James’ lap so that he had to kiss her soundly again. She responded eagerly, her lips firm and insistent. Until they were interrupted by a loud and jolly greeting from behind them.

“Oi, I’ve brought the vittles!” Peter shouted as he pushed the door open and whirled his way in. “And the bumbling buffoon responsible for this mess!” he finished with just as much enthusiasm. There was subtle and quiet grousing from behind him where James turned to see Sirius. He’d hung back, not as confident they’d want his company as Peter was. James couldn’t blame him; didn’t know if he even wanted to see the twat. Lily was shooting glances between them warily, not knowing exactly what James might do. Naturally, he wanted to scowl at her reaction. He wasn’t going to get into it with Sirius in the bloody hospital wing while Remus was recovering from the worst night of the month after everything that had happened. He must have conveyed this with a twitch of his eyebrow because she pressed a kiss to his jawline and settled more fully against him. James turned back to his friends to see three excessively amused faces staring back.

“ _Piss off_ ,” he grumbled, feeling uncharacteristically laconic, and settled in with Lily pulled up against his side. She went willingly, molding against him as if they’d had years of practice instead of the space of minutes. It made his belly warm in a way it hadn’t been in a while. Peter smirked, unfazed by the situation, called up another chair, and plopped down in the one between Remus and James. He handed bags out according to preference; eggs, toast, and tea for Remus; eggs, toast, bacon, pancakes for James; a scone and coffee for Lily. The other two had their meals on them. The house elves loved Pete, as he would always talk to them, gossiping and complimenting their wares. As they ate, Peter filled them in on the gossip running rampant throughout the castle, and that several people had already tried to get in to see them, probably to snoop and gawk. James was mildly irritated by that fact. Couldn’t they have one goddamn private moment in peace? Peter pointed out that most people thought that Snape had been kidnapped by some awful forest monster and that Lily, rumored ex-girlfriend, had begged James, Lily’s torrid new lover, notorious snogger of Emmaline Vance and most hated enemy of Snape’s, to go save him. So, no, no one was leaving them alone anytime soon. Thankfully, Remus’ name had been left out of the general hubbub due to his regularly scheduled “absence,” everyone believed he was at his mother’s. Thank Merlin. But that wouldn’t prevent Snape from talking the vilest shite he could once he was awake. Up until then, Sirius had kept his mouth shut, grateful not to have been hexed within an inch of his life for breathing in their presence.

“Snape won’t talk.” James’ gaze swiveled to his, and they locked onto one another. “I already spoke with Dumbledore this morning. Told him what happened.” He shot Remus a meaningful look, “ _Everything_ that happened, and why.” Remus gave him a terse nod. “I’m up for expulsion, but our favorite chap there must be in some deep shite. Old Albus said he’d handle it, and I can’t imagine that’s good for Snivellus.” The other four exhaled a breath they didn’t know they’d been holding. Just knowing that Sirius had already taken the brunt of the load from them was enough for them all to relax a little. They would do what they could for Sirius, of course. No one wanted him expelled. But Sirius’ expulsion was better than Remus being put on trial. Lesser of two evils. Sirius cleared his throat. “I’ll probably be saying it until my lungs run out air, but I am sorry. _Really_ sorry. I wasn’t—”

“Thinking,” the rest of them filled in, making Sirius pinch his lips together and raise his glass to them. He looked guiltily at Remus, but James held his tongue on that account. Whatever reparations Moony needed from Padfoot could be done on their own time with a little bit of privacy. Moony always hated making a fuss at any rate. Unfortunately, the rest of them seemed to be waiting for James’ response, Moony included. Because the self-loathing, self-deprecating bastard would forgive Sirius anything on account of James and would probably do it anyway on account of Sirius. But this was different, this was big, and James was too tired and too giddy from having Lily so close.

“Fix it,” James growled out, desperately ignoring the way Lily’s hands clenched into his shirt. James and Remus made eye contact; James made clear, in no uncertain terms, that James would follow Remus’ lead. James was still furious. He’d have it out with Sirius later, which would probably result in a fist fight, as it typically did with them. Sirius and Remus would have the shouting match of all shouting matches in some inappropriately public place about something completely irrelevant. And as usual, Peter was quick to forgive Sirius’ indiscretion in favor of mending the group. So their gazes went back to Sirius, who nodded.

“I will.”

And that was that.

Not too long after that, after they’d finished eating and Sirius had moved his chair significantly closer to where Remus was sat in order to share chocolates he’d nicked from the kitchens, Madam Pomfrey came in shrieking about too many people in her infirmary and that it wasn’t visiting hours, for Agrippa’s sake! She made Remus guzzle down his potions and sent him on his way with Peter and Sirius, who were more than happy to escort their friend to someplace cheerier. James, however, was not free to go just yet. Apparently, the wound was very deep and close to the spine. Most of which had already repaired itself, except for some superficial tissues which were apparently still bleeding profusely.

“You said you were fine!” Lily shrieked at him, punching him in the shoulder.

“Really, Ms. Evans, I must insist you not inflict bodily harm on my patient.”

“Yeah, Evans, besides, I’m all pansies and rainbows when you look at me like that. What’s a bit of blood to adoration?”

“He’ll lose a liter of blood if I don’t re-heal that wound every hour for the next six.”

“Potter!”

“Throw me to the wolves, why don’t you?”

“Ms. Evans, Mr. Potter needs to rest, so you are going to have to leave.” Both of them froze in their glaring at one another to glare in tandem at Madam Pomfrey, who was very perturbed by the force of their combined ire. “There is no need to get your knickers bunched, you two, it’s very simple. Wounds need to heal, healing means rest, and I highly doubt…”

She was interrupted by Lily’s “I’m not leaving,” and James’, “I feel very well rested with Evans hanging on me, Poms.” It made her glower.

“Well come on then, sit up so I can have a look.” Scowling the whole time, James complied letting the two fuss over him while the healer scolded him for his recklessness, and Lily asked very astute questions about cursed wounds. Of course, this naturally segued into the conversation about how many times the Marauders had come in with such wounds over the course of their time at Hogwarts. The surly healer grumbled that she had no idea what the headmaster was thinking allowing a bunch of boys to chase after a werewolf every full moon. Or, for that matter, how they skirted being mauled to death.

“Remus folds his socks, Poms, homicide is hardly in his wheelhouse.”

“Got you sorted this time, though, didn’t he, Mr. Potter?”

“That was Sir Snivellus’ doing, he hates the tosser.” She scolded him for his swearing and cheek as Lily watched on quietly. Once the episkey spell was finished and the poultice had been applied, Madam Pomfrey shifted two of the beds together, ordering Lily to occupy the other instead of draping herself over her patient. Lily sheepishly complied, shooting the healer a winning smile that made the woman scowl, but then she was off in a huff, levitating an unconscious Snape out and into an examination room for more privacy. Which left the two Gryffindors completely alone for the first time.

Lily knew James was tracking her gaze as she watched the healer take Severus away. Her stomach was knotted in her confusion on the subject, so she couldn’t bring herself to wonder what James thought of her pathetic need for reassurance that Sev was okay. But then James cleared his throat rather uncomfortably, hands laced behind his head watching her.

“Sorry, I—”

“Evans, you don’t have to apologize for caring about someone.”

Well, that shut her right up. With a quick glance to check Pomfrey’s position, Lily shifted so that she was once again on his bed, deftly pressing herself up against his side so that she didn’t put strain on his back. His arms were around her almost immediately, and Lily had to forcefully stop herself from nuzzling against his chest like a pathetic puppy. The potions and charms made him so damn warm, and he smelled like damp earth and soft fur.

“I’m the one who broke his leg, by the way.”

Instead of jerking from her position, Lily rolled her head to look up at him, her questions silent. She was too damn comfortable to get upset or start yelling, as a matter of fact. And considering that Sev’s leg was broken instead of his spine, she could hardly complain about his methods.

“Moony’s hard to distract once he gets the scent. Usually, Padfoot brings back a few rabbits or ferrets for him just to take the edge off. But he caught whiff of Snape, and he already hates Snape, so…”

“He was motivated,” Lily finished, dropping her head again.

James hummed, stroking a hand up and down her back lazily. “I distracted Moony enough that he lost his grip, but Snape kept coming. So I put him down. Well….Prongs did.”

“He won’t thank you for it.”

“Yeah, well, I didn’t do it for him.”

She curled a hand over his shoulder, clenching her fingers there. “He’s _marked_ , he showed me.” Her voice was a barely there whisper, and she could hardly believe the words had come out of her mouth. In the owlery, Severus had been so _proud_ to show her the image etched in his skin. Not a full member, just yet, but once he graduated. As of yet, no one was taking this twisted little group seriously. They talked a big game, but they hadn’t done anything. But it had sickened her to see him so alight with excitement over it. The way he’d bragged, to her of all people, the source of their contempt. He wasn’t the only student, and not all of them were Slytherin, in spite of popular belief. They all treated it like a game. But not Severus, never Severus, because he actually believed. Him with his halfblood status and muggle-born best friend. He was exactly what the group professed to hate, and yet he joined them. James and Sirius were what they professed to uphold and honor, and yet the same two boys scorned them. It made no sense, but then maybe it did. She hardly heard James’ affirmation that he did actually know about the mark. It was an ugly thing on the forearm, with a skull and a squirming snake. James had seen it once in passing during Potions. His robes had slipped just enough to give full view of it. Sirius had tossed more asphodel into Snape’s cauldron after he’d noticed. Luckily Remus knew what to add to negate it before anyone was properly poisoned. The result was useless though, and Snape was furious.

“He’s _weak_ ,” Lily bit out against her tears, shoving her face back into the crook of his neck. She felt his hand in her hair, lips pressing to her head.

“Yes,” James responded simply, “And you’re not.”

“I’m in love with you, you know.” It really was that simple. She hadn’t the faintest idea why she’d thought it would be so difficult to say out loud. Why she thought it would take so much effort. She’d known it for months, known it since she’d seen him comforting Ella Delacroix about her break up with Charlie Aberdeen without even holding her hand, since he’d started helping Stebbins with Charms without telling everyone about it, since he’d befriend Reg Cattermole who he’d hexed for the fun of it in his first year. She’d overheard them in the Great Hall at breakfast one morning; as usual James was attempting to bring innocent bystanders into one of his silly tiffs with Sirius, and he’d chosen Reg. Reg had given him some kind of answer, of course, and then he’d politely refused James’ invitation to join them. James, being James, had asked why, wholeheartedly offended that the boy wasn’t enamored of him, and Reg had, rather tersely, informed him of their shared history and turned back to his breakfast. Sirius had laughed, naturally, but James had frowned. He’d thrown toast at Sirius’ face, and then slid down the table to sit next to Reg. Their conversation had been faint, but James had proceeded not only to apologize to Reg for his unseemly behavior (he’d been going through a “phase”), but also assured him that if he ever need anything ( _And when I say anything, mate, I mean absolutely anything_ ) that he could come to him. Reg had looked skeptical, but they shook hands. Over the course of the next few days, rumor was James had been on a manic quest, seen talking to many younger students in hushed tones and shaking hands. Remus later informed her that James had had a sudden twist of conscience, wanted to make amends with the innocent subjects of his taunting. The thing that had cemented it though, made her feel it full force, happened in the corridor after their last class of the day six weeks before.

It started when Mulciber and Rosier cornered poor little Sibyl Trelawney, for no reason other than she was odd and an easy target. Poor thing was shy and timid and said the strangest things at inappropriate times. Her passion for Diviniation didn’t help any either. For whatever petty reason, they’d decided to torment her at that particular moment. Now, everyone knew that Peter Pettigrew had a crush on Sibyl, and that Sirius, even if he was always game for a laugh, would jump into any fight requested. At Peter’s behest, Sirius had stepped in, taking the attention off of Sibyl so that Peter could whisk her away. Things got heated, fast. Remus had been grumbling to the side, sitting on a window sill, telling Sirius to back off; there was a crowd forming, but he couldn’t be bothered to look up from his book. Then Potter had swept in, or that’s how the others described it, because Lily firmly believed he’d just _appeared_. Everyone had assumed he’d make the first move, that he’d take things past the tipping point. Instead, he’d put up a shield charm between them, talked Sirius down, and told the crowd to get lost. His expression had been so wild and angry that he was a fearsome thing to behold, going toe to toe with his equally angry best mate. But he’d managed, he got Sirius to stand down. Then, as they were walking away, Mulciber threw a hex at James’ back, but James didn’t miss a beat. He deflected it, and turned to face the Slytherins, walking backward. “Tell you what gentlemen, if this Voldy guy’s recruiting slimy gits like you, I think we’re all pretty safe.”

And that was it. No escalation. No retaliation. No epic showdown that resulted in hospital wing visits and month long detentions and an angry Filch cleaning up the mess. And Lily just stood at the end of the hall, the boys walking in her direction, Sibyl reaching out for Lily who wrapped her arms around the poor thing, rubbing her arm in an effort to soothe while Sibyl sobbed. Peter had patted her back politely, and Remus herded Sirius off to places unknown, but Lily only had eyes for James. James who’d shoved his hands into his pockets and watched the whole scene without comment. James who’d met her gaze with a small smile, devoid of victory or bravado, and nodded at her. “All right there, Evans?” he’d asked her quietly as Sibyl sobbed on her shoulder. Lily couldn’t even remember what she’d said, just that their eyes had locked and everything around her felt faded. Finally, Peter had coaxed Sibyl onto his shoulder so they could get to the Great Hall for some dinner. Both James and Lily had followed, shoulders brushing. And neither of them mentioned it when she threaded her arm through his as they walked.

“Yeah, me too.” James’ cheekiness ripped her thoughts back into the present.

Lily snorted. “Everyone knows _you’re_ in love with you. Tell me something I don’t know.” She snickered a little when he tugged at the ends of her hair.

“ _Cheeky_.” Lily pressed a kiss to his neck, letting her leg wrap around his. She felt his chest rumble with laughter “I told Sirius during third year that I was going to marry you.” Lily laughed through her nose. “He wagered that if that ever happened, he’d gift us a house elf, but that we would have to give him our firstborn.”

“What on earth _for_?”

James shrugged, “Haven’t the foggiest. He seemed pretty unclear on his reasons too. But I told him that you probably wouldn’t stay with me for very long if I wagered away our first child. So he settled for being godfather.”

“ _Boys_ ,” she sighed. “What was going to happen if you lost?”

“You know,” he laughed, “I don’t think we ever got that sorted? Maybe he thought me dying a spinster would be punishment enough. Took the piss for months, though.” She hummed, snuggling against him.

“Well no house of mine is enslaving a house-elf. Sorry, love, we’ll just have to free ‘im and pay ‘im wages to cook and clean.”

“Oi, who says I want to marry you? That was ages ago, maybe I’ve changed my mind!”

She bit his shoulder playfully, making him feign a yelp. “You haven’t. I may have thought you did, but you haven’t.”

“No, not really,” he relented.

“I should be completely unnerved by that, you know. You’re off your nut. Absolutely barking mad.”

“As I’ve been told on many an occasion.”

“But I’m not put off. Not even a little. I used to get so angry with you, for _knowing_. And everyone teased me for it because you were just so certain about what you wanted.”

“One of the few upsides of being an only child.”

“Might be a little part of the reason I fought you off for so long.”                         

“And because I was a self-righteous, bullying prat.”

“Again, I said _part_.”

“So why now, do you think? Not like I’ve changed or done anything differently.”

“For one, you haven’t asked me out or sexually harassed me in over a year.”

“That’s not true! Just last week I told you that you’d be the most delicious ginger biscuit in the tin.”

Of course that made her giggle because he’d said it in front of Professor Binns, who was absolutely befuddled by James’ sudden and exceptionally _loud_ proclamation. “A little different from asking me if the carpet matches the drapes.” Not to mention, the odd compliment had been given after she had agreed to edit and critique his final essay for their History of Magic class, for which his marks were abysmal due to tardiness, poor grammar, and a general disdain for regurgitating information.

“That was for _science_ , Evans. Needs must know these things.” But there was no weight behind his words. They both knew what an absolute prig he’d been to her after that first round of rejections. He’d made it his mission in life to harass her with his attraction so that it didn’t tear at him. What she didn’t know what that it obviously made everything worse because he sincerely fancied her and didn’t like to see her upset. A masochistic streak ran deep in James Potter. “Besides, it wasn’t until that day by the lake that I realized how far he was willing to go to hurt you because of me. Didn’t know he resented my pathetic little crush so much.”

“Yeah.” She didn’t have to ask who he was referring to.

“Thought I’d back off, give you a breather to sort it. Even if I thought you were daft for forgiving the berk.”

“Forgave,” she muttered. “Didn’t forget. This year’s actually been pretty quiet besides, you know, last night.”

“You never told me how you knew Snape was looking for Moony.”

“He…he asked me to meet him after dinner. Said he wanted to talk.” He grunted, prompting her to continue. “But then he just kept talking about _them_ and that wizard and preserving magical integrity.” She felt James’ arms tighten around her, and she pressed light kisses to his neck and shoulder, willing him to calm down.

He thought they were absolutely nutters talking about purity like it made a difference. A person had magic or they didn’t. And he’d met plenty of squibs and muggles on holiday, they were perfectly decent sorts. Muggles were odd, for certain, but they were very imaginative, so it all evened out. And his mother’s best friend was a squib, and Hestia was _lovely_. Furthermore, it upset him to think that that condescending sack of shit that breathed the same air as Lily had deliberately made her feel small.

“Sev wanted me to join. Said that when the time came, I would be safest with them, that I could be useful in helping them reach their goals. He said there would always be a place for a talented witch like me.” She inhaled, remembering the way he’d been so keen, so impressed with himself for the idea. “But then I reminded him what I was, who I was. And we just started fighting. He doesn’t understand why he can’t have it both ways. He’ll never understand how wrong it is.”

“Then he’s a fool,” James muttered, “and he deserves whatever fate has in store for him.”

She shook her head. “James, you should have seen him, he was manic. I’ve never heard him talk that way before. He’s chosen this path and I’m frightened for him.” Lily sat up to look down at him, kissing the palm that came up to hold her cheek. Even he looked mournful at the prospect, even after everything he knew what it meant that Severus had chosen against her. Because James _loved_ her, she thought, and Severus thought he owned her. “The boy I knew is still in there,” she said miserably, “I know he is, but I just don’t know how to reach him anymore.” His face pinched in sympathy. “He’s going to be alone, James. One day he’s going wake up and see it, but it’ll be too late, and…” She was cut off by James surging up to kiss her, warms hands cupping her face. His lips were heavy and insistent. When they broke apart, she rested her forehead on his, rolling for closeness.

“There’s time, Lily,” he told her gently, “There’s plenty of time, you’ll see.”

 “No James, I…” She pulled back to look at him, frighteningly assured of what she was saying, “I think it’s done.” Her hands tightened. “I think it’s too late.”

“I don’t know what’s going to happen, but you can’t make it better for him.” Even Lily felt her face crumple. He made a noise of regret, carding his fingers through her hair. When did he get to be so good at comforting anyway? Maybe he was making an effort for her, who knew? “Maybe old Snivelly will surprise you. Even a twat like him can get a second chance, right?” She didn’t say anything, her expression morose, but rather than argue the point, Lily decided to set it aside. She leaned forward, placing a soft kiss to his lips, capturing his top lip in hers before nuzzling their mouths together. Opening her eyes, James’ hazel ones were watching her and he just looked so dazed, stunned even. Lily could pinpoint the moment he tucked that feeling away and replaced it with mischief.

“Good. Now listen. This nutty bird I’m besotted with made me go save her mate from being ripped to pieces by my best mate last night, and I’m a little knackered.” He settled back against the pillows, one hand playing with the ends of her hair.

“Just a little?”

“I have remarkable stamina.”

“Yes, well, that’s what the girl’s bathroom on the fourth floor says anyway.”

“Does it really?”

“Yes. _James Potter: Remarkable Stamina_. Clear as day.”

“Cruel woman.”

“Maybe.”

He dropped her hair in favor of looking at her again, “You probably have a hundred things to do today.”

“A hundred and one, actually.”

“You should—” he started.

“Stay here with you and blow off my revision groups and homework? Absolutely, just what I was thinking.” She flopped down next to him, jostling him just so and making him groan a little. She didn’t feel a bit sorry for it either, suggesting she should leave after everything. “Besides,” she sighed, “Dumbledore will probably come looking for you soon. Might as well be here to tell him my part in this mess.”

“I wish you wouldn’t.”

“And I don’t give a damn. He needs to know how keen Sev was to get there, just as much as he needs to know how provocative Sirius made the idea. If Sev were less of a petty and vindictive person, he never would have gone in the first place. Sirius just pointed a finger.”

“A goading finger.”

“But only pointed it nonetheless. I won’t stand by and see him expelled when Sev made an equally damaging decision. He’s been suspicious of Remus for years, what did he think he’d find?”

“I s’pose when you put it that way…”

“What?”

“Well, then it doesn’t seem so bad what Pads did. He wanted it, though.”

“Something he needs to sort out with Remus, not the school governors.”

Once again they were interrupted by someone’s entrance. It was Madam Pomfrey returning with a fully conscious Snape. He caught sight of them, sneered, and stormed out. James had attempted to relax his grip, make everything look less incriminating, but Lily had only clutched him tighter in response.

“I thought provoking him was _my_ job,” James whispered out of the corner of his mouth as the healer in front of them crossed her arms.

“Mr. Potter, I really _must_ insist….”

“Poms, I’m innocent this time, I swear. Evans jumped me.” She smacked his shoulder.

“Miss Evans!”

“I’m sorry Madam Pomfrey, but please? It’s been such a long twelve hours. We’ll just sleep, I promise.” But the healer only clicked her tongue and swept off to do whatever it was healers did with nearly empty beds on a weekend morning. When Lily turned to look at James, he was already watching her, and the poor girl felt her face heat up, her stomach clenching. Her defensive “What?” came out as more of a squeak than a chastisement, which was all the more mortifying. He didn’t seem to notice though, at least he didn’t comment on it.

“Nothing, really. I just keep thinking that I must be hallucinating or…dead or something equally unconscious. Because you’re here and you’re…you.”

She let out a breath, “Feeling a little unsteady myself.”

He started moving to get comfortable, allowing her more room. “Let’s sleep then, nothing for it.” So she curled up against his side, probably more nervous than she’d ever been before an exam, and tried to make herself relax. James’ warmth and his steady heartbeat under her hand played no small part in her eyes fluttering shut and sleep overtaking her senses.

Asleep was exactly how Dumbledore found them a few hours later, much to Madam Pomfrey’s ire. Other students had been persistent in their efforts to get into their side of the infirmary, but luckily the healer kept them at bay, even the Marauders. Cursed wounds weren’t out of the woods until they were completely healed and she would have no more disruptions. Lily’s prefect and goodie two shoes status must have given her certain privileges with the healer, but James would be the last to complain. At Hogwarts, James had learned to become a light sleeper. It was necessary considering his friend group. And he was glad of it right then, when Albus Dumbledore taking a seat to his right pulled him from his sleep.

“Pardon my intrusion, Mr. Potter,” he said softly in that voice that was more aged than old.

“Ach,” James waved him off, careful not to disturb Lily, whose head was on his chest, “Your school, your party, what’s a bloke to do?”

“To be honest, not a blessed thing.” He shrugged and spread his hands shortly, making James grin a little. He had a soft spot for old Dumbly. The man seemed to genuinely care about people, had a lightness about him that was charming, and, James suspected, had a penchant for getting into trouble. Couldn’t help but like the fellow. Not that he was entirely happy to see him just then. “Wondered if we might have a word about what transpired last evening?”

“No need to wonder, I have several.” Dumbledore raised his brows with a tilt of his head. James swore under his breath, sparing Lily a glance before running a hand through her hair. “Couple hours after dinner, Lily was upset, said that Snape told her he was going to look for Remus. Full moon, so I knew Remus was already at the Shack. Then Sirius made a comment to the effect that he’d said something damning to Snape. I didn’t know what, but I made an intuitive leap that Snape knew where to go. I went fast as I could, and Snape had already made it past the Willow. I distracted Remus long enough for Snape to break away, but not before his leg broke. By then Sirius showed up, drew Remus away, and Peter and I got Snape back to the castle to Madam Pomfrey.”

His words were bland and noncommittal, giving the barest of facts without revealing too much, and James figured the old man had heard enough fishy tales in his time to know the difference between the facts and the truth. However, considering the state of his back and the sleeping girl on his chest, the young Potter had no inclination to make that distinction for him.

“And in that time, Remus clawed your back open, Sirius managed to keep him occupied until the sun rose, and Ms. Evans wound up in your sickbed. Is that the whole of it?”

“Yes Headmaster, that’s exactly what happened.”

“You’re leaving out some very crucial details, I suspect.”               

“The most crucial, Headmaster.”

“But the facts, as you present them, are completely true,” and he didn’t put it as a question. This was one of those moments, James figured, when you decided your own fate. One of those moments when things shifted and a whole new worldview clicked into place. There were a lot of things he could have told Dumbledore; hell, he wouldn’t have been surprised if the old man out and out told him that he knew exactly what the four of them were up to most nights; the map, the cloak, the transforming. It was a confluence of events, you see. A great many things that could have gone differently but didn’t.

“Yes, Headmaster, I swear.”

The old man nodded with a small smile gracing his lips, “Very well. Please inform Ms. Evans that I will be awaiting her in my office at her leisure.” James nodded. With that, Dumbledore patted the bed and was gone.

A confluence of events, you see. A confluence of events that ultimately altered the course of the future, and led to Harry James Potter walking alone in the woods one night with a madman and a small black stone. It led to the same Harry on the platform at King’s Cross station, telling Albus Severus Potter that he could choose his own path. But that confluence was still in continuum, it was ever changing and ever present, when James Potter leaned down and woke up Lily Evans with a kiss.

“Mmm,” she pressed back fervently against him, lips nipping his. “What time is it?” she asked breathily.

“There’s plenty of time,” he answered cheekily. “Plenty of time.”

Lily only agreed to go and speak to Dumbledore after James had been discharged by Madam Pomfrey. She was annoyed that he’d let her sleep through the headmaster’s visit, for one, but she was also apprehensive about what James might do in her absence. He was still feeling a little raw and no doubt needed a moment to himself to collect his thoughts, but she was firm in her decision. If she left him alone, the glamour of the whole day would fade and he’d act like an idiot, and maybe he’d question this fragile thing between them that seemed to be so concrete. She wondered if concrete turned to quicksand when left untended.

To her surprise, James offered to accompany and wait for her while she spoke to the headmaster. That surprise must have registered on her face because he stopped in the middle of the corridor and pulled her to him. His arms roped around her waist and she found that her own naturally fit over his shoulders. A sane person would have been disturbed by how easily they had become comfortable with their physicality. But, obviously, Lily Evans was no longer sane, so she just went with it. Instead of providing any sort of explanation, James simply kissed her. Light and easy, but his hands heavy on her back. He nipped playfully one more time before nuzzling her nose and cheek. Her fingers curled into the hair at the nape of his neck.

“What are you doing to me, Potter?” she whimpered out. This was absurd. He shouldn’t have this kind of effect on her so soon. But, then again, he always had, hadn’t he? Pushing, prodding, provoking until she snapped and raged at him. His fumbling, sloppy, _exasperating_ attempts at wooing her were setting the tone for their relationship. James would continue to provoke. Lily would continue to rage. It had simply evolved into something else entirely. Lily felt his lips pressing along her jaw and at her ear. Made her fingers clench.

“Well,” he started breathily, “now that I’ve got you here, I’m not too keen on letting you alone for a while. Too much time for thinking.”

“This isn’t exactly,” she swallowed a moan forcefully, feeling him press closer, “sensible.” But it made her want to laugh, considering she’d been thinking the same thing about him. No leaving room for doubts, then. This thing between them was happening.

“Don’t see what sense has to do with anything.” That did make her laugh. They were groping each other in a corridor that saw heavy traffic in the middle of the day when she was supposed to be going to speak with the headmaster. “Blimey, Lil, I thought this feeling would fade a bit after all this time. Make me a little less barmy, but…”

“Hey,” she drew her hands to his face, letting her thumbs graze under his chin, “me too, okay? It’s…weird. And fast, and there are a hundred thousand reasons why it’s a bad idea. Not to mention we have a whole tempestuous history of—mmhmp!” She was cut off by his lips on hers again. He snogged her thoroughly, opening her up to press in, and nip and tug. Lily’s knees almost gave out beneath her when he bit down gently on her lower lip. It wouldn’t have mattered since his arms were braced so tightly around her and he’d somehow backed her against a wall without her noticing. She was gasping for breath when they finally broke apart.

“ _Fuck_ our tempestuous history. I deserved everything you ever said.”

“That’s not—” she squeaked a little at the feel of his thigh sliding between her own. “ _James_.” Her hands had settled around his ears, nails digging into his hair just so.  

“We’re not doing that.”

“What?” He kissed her again, hard presses of lips, bracing her up against the wall. He broke off and pressed his forehead to hers.

“Picking through every bloody thing we said and did to hurt each other. We said it, we did it, and hell, we probably meant it at the time. Doesn’t change anything.”

“How—?” He cut her off again with more kissing until she shoved at him, just enough to get a little space and air between them. “Stop _doing_ that!” she snapped. But there was very little heat behind her words, so he smirked and yielded absolutely no space between them. “We can’t just ignore it, can we?”

James could see very clearly how her mental calculations were playing out. Calculations based on their interactions, words said, insults exchanged. He knew just as well as she did that he’d taken his frustrations out with well-executed pranks, hexing Slytherins, and Quidditch. These things seemed to get under her skin just as effectively as his words.  And most of his comments to her had been relatively benign, barring some inexcusably lewd comments about her person in retaliation for her rejection, snide remarks about her very proper adherence to the rules, and more than a few comments about her friendship with Snape. But he managed all that without getting personal. She, however, could not say the same. Godric, did she have a temper. And a foul mouth, and a rather exhaustive vocabulary. She’d read him easily, sized him up in a moment, and used only her words to rip him to shreds. Did a better job of it than Mulciber’s hexes ever had. She’d gutted and humiliated him because she was right; everything she said was so accurate that it cut him. While it hadn’t been pleasant, he’d always known that it meant something and that, that enormous brain of hers hadn’t caught up to it yet.

James, however, had turned to Sirius the day she called him a “bored, spoiled prig pathetic enough to get high off of chaos and tormenting people better than him” and declared that he was going to marry her one day. It went without saying that this particular moniker was on the nicer end of the spectrum.

“We can because, as usual, you were right. All the time, you were right about me. But since that day by the lake I just…I wanted you to think better of me. Not everyone else, not everyone who liked me then. Just you. And I reckon if you’re right here, then I didn’t do so bad a job.”

“ _James_ …”

“You’ve been nothing but a pain in my arse since the day I met you, Evans, and I think I’ve grown rather accustomed to it.” She scowled. “Fond of it, even,” he smirked, tucking some loose strands behind her ear.

“This could be a huge mistake,” she whispered honestly, eyes darting along his features, gauging. But he was unaffected, still grinning.

“Oh, monstrous, I’m sure. I imagine one or both of us will be tossed into Azkaban by the end of it.” He felt her nails rubbing into the skin behind his ears, and, Merlin help him, he almost purred. But his joke struck gold, making her laugh softly through her nose and smile gorgeously up at him. Good, now he just needed a solid long term plan to keep that smile in place for the rest of their lives. Brilliant start; he decided right then that it would be the best revenge against Snape ever conceived. Keep her happy, keep her proud. Should be easy enough, seeing as that plan perfectly aligned with all of his intentions otherwise. Hell, if she mended fences with Snape, if he fixed things between them, then James would willingly, although begrudgingly, protect that friendship. For her sake. Maybe if he was around the twat long enough, he’d find a single redeeming quality to make Snape’s presence more palatable. Unlikely, but he’d do it. Not that he’d ever admit that to Lily. For one, he’d never suggest that she try to be friends with Snape again because he detested the bloke. And another, there was no need for her to comprehend so early on just how easily she could bend and move him. That would be a disastrous situation for everyone, and the lads would never forgive him.

Finally, she sighed and rolled her eyes, “I really do need to go see Dumbledore.” James snorted and pressed a long kiss to her forehead before releasing her. They sorted themselves out, linked their arms tightly, and went to the Headmaster’s office.

Their short walk earned them a good deal of raised brows and turned heads. James knew for a fact that the student population was convinced he was snogging Emmaline Vance every half chance he got. He knew it because Remus (the wanker) had spread that rumor in retaliation for being teased about Dorcas Meadowes. Emmaline had a hopeless crush on Sirius who was seeing Marlene McKinnon, who had put Sirius on probation from her lovely person because he’d slept through their date two weeks previous. Needless to say, the rumor had started a chain reaction among the Gryffindor females meant to make James lose his sodding mind. Marlene was convinced that Emmaline was snogging James to make Sirius jealous, which would mean that she had a “good reason” to believe Sirius could be made jealous. Didn’t sit well with McKinnon. And since both girls and Sirius were on his team, with James as their captain, practices had been…fraught. And loud. Louder than usual, at any rate. So yes, the staring was unsurprising.

James Potter couldn’t give a hairy sniffler’s arse about rumors, but when you started messing with his Quidditch team, there would be hell to pay. Unfortunately, he had good reasons to let bygones be bygones when it came to Remus in this situation. One, Sirius. Two, the previous night. Three, Sirius. He _hated_ knowing things. When they reached the stairs to the office, Lily dropped a quick kiss to his lips before darting up to see the headmaster. James waited just outside.

That’s where Sirius found him a few minutes later, stopping a good distance away and clearing his throat loudly to get James’ attention. The latter flicked his gaze up idly, and then scowled, crossing his arms across his chest.

“Might the penitent approach?” Sirius asked, not joking around in the least. Both of them knew James was just as likely to ice him out as he was to forgive him.

“Only if you’ve thought it through.”

Sirius Black was the only person to outpace James Potter for thoughtless impulsivity. It had caused rows between them on more than one occasion. One summer James didn’t speak to him for a whole month even though they’d been sharing a room at Godric’s Hollow. Yes, James was well-schooled in punishing his friend for crimes against the Marauders.

“I have.”

“Then speak now or forever hold your peace.”

“Where’s Evans?”

“Saving your arse from Dumbledore’s wrath.”

“She doesn’t have to do that.” James only shrugged, determinedly looking anywhere but at him. Sirius sighed and approached, holding up the bit of wall to James’ left. “I’ve fixed it with Remus. I’ll keep fixing it.”

“Good.”

“I wanna tell you I had really good reasons, but…”

“No excuse.”

“I know it.”

“Here’s my thing.” James said, crossing one ankle over the other, refusing to look at him. “Why Moony?  Why not use me? Better. More controlled. I could have chased him into the lake. No harm done to anyone. Everyone gets a laugh. But you pick Moony, the only bloke who’s got less control of himself than you, and in his most vulnerable state. They kill folks like him for that, Sirius!”

He felt his friend flinch without seeing it. Good.

“I…Snivellus started ripping into Dromeda, and I was like, fine, go ahead, take a shot at the only person who’s ever given a damn about me. He doesn’t know her. But then the shite about Nymphadora. The _healers_ don’t even know what’s up with her, man. Snivelly shouldn’t even _know_ about it. Got under my skin, you know?” He grumbled under his breath, kicking at the floor. “He’s always going after Moony! Always! And he’s the best of us, we all know that. He’s so good and solid and a tough son of a bitch. And _Snivellus_ goes after him because he thinks he’s weak. I get sick of it, get sick of letting everyone think…”

“It’s not _your_ decision!”

“I KNOW!” Sirius bellowed, pushing off the wall. The other boy dragged a hand through his hair before taking a swing at the wall. Not before James let out a wandless cushioning charm, though. His friend scowled at the interference. “I just wanted the whinging bastard to be afraid, truly afraid, _for once_. And who better to terrify him than Moony?”

James sighed, knocking his head back to the wall. “Remus doesn’t want people to be afraid of him,” he said very quietly.

“He’s said,” Sirius barked back, sulkily. He slunk back to the wall, crossing his arms too. “You know he won’t ask out Meadowes because of it?” James nodded. That’s why they tried so hard to make light of it. That’s why James let Remus retaliate unencumbered by threats of payback. Rumors about him and Vance would fizzle out once she found a new target. McKinnon would settle once she realized Vance wasn’t a threat to her hold on Sirius. Internally, James scowled. If ever there was a threat to that relationship, it wasn’t a _girl_. James heartily wished that the two of them would quit their song and dance for the general public and sort their shit out. But the only person more stubborn than Padfoot was Moony. And Moony didn’t want another label. “This damn thing’s got him caged, Prongs. I guess I just wanted to let him out.”

“That,” James breathed out heavily, “is something that I actually understand. I’ve been tempted myself.” He felt Sirius’ question without it being spoken aloud. “I told him he should tell everyone, scream it one morning at breakfast, just to lay it out there and be done.” On his weakest days, James wanted everyone to comprehend just how impressive Remus Lupin was; to be in awe like James was. It was a frustrating thing, hearing people make their petty jokes and wonder after his peculiar behavior. Like he was pitiful. The real Remus was a ferocious, awesome thing to behold, worthy of every ounce of love and adoration his friends could muster. Sure, James was a singularly talented wizard, an animagus, quidditch captain, prankster extraordinaire. But Remus was the brains of the operation, the cool-headed, snarky mastermind, who took detentions and ridicule for his friends’ sake, who had tight control of a monster that lived in him, all the while getting top marks, being genuinely kind to others, and looking like a shrunken granddad with all his tea and books and sweaters. Remus didn’t need others to validate him, and it frustrated James to no end how he never seemed bothered by any of it. Sirius snorted, knowing well enough what their friend’s response to James’ suggestion of outing himself had been. He had firsthand experience with their friend’s need for privacy. And, Remus had an extensive vocabulary.

“He can either live with a secret and the constant threat of being exposed, or he can live with everyone being afraid of him. He made his choice before he even met us, remember?”

“I know.”

“We _promised_ , Padfoot. We _promised_ to look after him, no matter what, no matter what we thought or felt about it.”

“We did.”

“And now _Snape_ , of all the bastards you could have picked from, who hates ‘im for his _human_ characteristics, knows that there’s a whole new side of him to hate.”

“He breathes a word to anyone, and I’ll end him myself.”

“And what the fuck good are you to Moony locked up in Azkaban? What good are you to me? Or to Peter? Or to Dromeda, for that matter?”

“None.”

“Exactly none.” James inhaled and whispered out, “Don’t be another reason for him to hate himself.”

“You have my word.”

“I’ve had it before.”

“I’m not 13 this time.” They were stubbornly silent for a while, both ludicrously grateful that neither had taken a swing at the other. A duel would mean nothing; they’d practiced their best hexes on each other at one point or another. They could deflect and deflect until the cows came home. Punches meant blood and bruises and broken bones. Not so easily fixed, in James’ opinion. “So…” Sirius said, his voice suddenly lighter. “Evans….”

“Fuck off.”

“No, no, no, no, no. Just cause something _finally fucking happens_ during one of my most legendary cock ups, does not mean you get off easy.”

“I think you should leave the getting me off part to Evans.”

“Disgusting, mate, I’m far too pretty for you. So. Spill.”

“She was telling me how she knew Snivs was going to look for Moony.”

“And?”

“And their interaction was… _unpleasant_ , so I decided I was going to strangle the pillock with my bare hands.”

“Sincerest sympathy, do continue.”

“She wrangled me back onto the bed, asked me not to, and I kissed her.” Sirius huffed. “What?”

“Nothing,” he said disingenuously.

“Sirius…”

“I just thought it would be a little more dramatic. Thought Evans had a little more,” he gestured wildly, “flair.”

“Considering the fact that I was contemplating homicide for the bloke I’d just saved, I think there was enough drama, as you say. Any more flair and you’ll have to visit me on the fourth floor at St. Mungo’s.”

“Well,” Sirius sighed, “I’m chuffed and all. Even if Wormy was right, and I do owe ‘im ten galleons.”

“Ten?”

“It was double or nothing if it got sorted before end of term.”

“Bastards.”

“At least I said before end of next term. Moony had you down for dying alone with a kneazle for company.”

“Kind of him.”

“I thought so. McKinnon said not even a kneazle would take you.”

“Talking to you again, is she?”

“Only just. Heard Remus ripping my head off and decided to have mercy.”

“Much too good for you.”

“Agreed.” James decided to ignore the thoughtfulness in Sirius’ tone, the subtle note of regret that his girlfriend had decided to reconcile. Hippogriff-sized hypocrite he was James had made a bet with Peter that Sirius would marry McKinnon to spite Remus. Peter had more faith, but Peter always did. Seemed he’d befriended a band of fatalists.

As they finished the last part of their conversation, the stairwell was turning to reveal Lily, looking a little miserable, but none the worse for wear. James caught her hand before she reached the bottom of the steps and tugged her along. She swayed into him affectionately, watching Sirius. Her unvoiced question was conveyed as a very pointed look between them, eyebrows raised. Sirius scowled and shrugged. James just tipped his head, indicating it was fine and they should get moving. That was all she needed. The trio started their walk to wherever it was they were going, no particular spot in mind. Sirius was stubbornly silent, forcing James to elbow him in the ribs, who wasn’t about to let him off the hook just yet.

“ _Fine._ Evans, I’m sorry I tried to get your quote, unquote friend, killed.”

“No you’re not,” she said cheekily, undermining him with semantics. He growled.

“ _Okay_. I’m sorry that you were scared your quote, unquote friend was going to die and that the method would have been by another one of your friends because it upset you, and not because I entirely believe it would have happened, or in fact, was a terrible idea.”

Lily smiled and James rolled his eyes. “Already forgiven,” she chirped back.

“Gracious of you.”

“I’m in a gracious mood.”

“And thanks for whatever you said to Dumbly.” She hummed, obviously not wanting to comment on that account. Neither boy blamed her much. Whatever she’d told the headmaster would be leveraged against Snape to keep him quiet.

Sirius had mixed feelings about Lily Evans. For one, he genuinely liked her. She was fit and clever and a roaring good time when she didn’t have a wand shoved up her arse. But he also thought she was a bit potty for rejecting James so hard when she was obviously smitten with the specky git. The past few months had been rather enlightening for the Marauders regarding Lily. She’d started coming around much more often, tagging along with Marlene, pushing Dorcas and Remus, and sometimes coaxing Sibyl out of Ravenclaw tower for a butterbeer with the lads. Sirius would have thought it hilarious that she was suddenly so concerned about their love lives if it wasn’t so _obvious_ she was only doing to it be around James while his mates were distracted by the fairer sex. As if _Sirius Orion Black_ could be outwitted by the likes of her.

He’d figured her game out rather quickly, and, in his not so humble opinion, was a bloody good sport about it until three weeks ago during their last Hogsmeade trip. The Marauders and the respective women they were wooing were clustered around tables at Three Broomsticks, even though James was adamant that he was absolutely _not_ chasing after Lily Evans anymore. _Bollocks_ , the three of them had muttered. So it went without saying that Sirius had been endlessly amused to see Lily, sat across the chattering Marlene and Dorcas, staring at James talking to Sibyl. Sirius had flopped down onto the chair next to Lily, head on his hand, watching her.

“Wotcher, Evans.”

“Black,” she said without looking at him. He scowled, swiping a mug of butterbeer that was sat near Marlene.

“Staring at him won’t make him come over here,” he said sing-songy into his butterbeer.

“Sibyl’s been talking about her tea leaves from last week for the past five minutes and twenty seconds and James hasn’t said a _word_.”

“What can I say? He’s maturing. We’re all terribly disappointed.”

“It can’t be that interesting.”

“Nothing Sibyl says is interesting.” She didn’t respond. “So are you ever going to tell Prongsie that you’re obsessed with him?”

“Yeah, _sure_ , I’ll do that when he tells everyone Quidditch is for tossers.”

“So never.”

“Yep.”

Sirius had barked out a laugh, leaning his head back down on the palm of his head to watch her again. Her face was all concentration, like she’d been weighing something very delicately. Prongs claimed she could do Arithmancy problems in her head, and not even Remus could do that. He wondered idly what it would be like to have the full force of that kind of focus directed at himself. Terrible. Probably. Man like himself couldn’t stand it.

“Because he’s snogging Emmaline?”

“Anyone with half a brain knows Remus is a dirty liar when he’s feeling vindictive.” She took a sip of her own butterbeer. “And you, Sirius Black, are the least subtle person I’ve ever met.”

“Yeah, yeah grace of hippogriffs, manners of dragons. Blah blah blah. So what?”

“So I fail to see your point.”

“That perhaps you should just tell him?” She finally turned her head to meet his gaze and he winked at her, making her roll her eyes. “I could always grab the lads and concoct some tasty ways to lock the two of you in a broom closet for a couple hours.”

“Have I told you about this new hex I’ve been researching? It _shrivels_ what you _love_.” He’d experienced a full body wince and prayed to Godric and all the founders that she hadn’t noticed it.

“Seriously, Evans, put us all out of our misery and tell him.” Right then Peter had sat down asking them what Evans should be telling who. Sirius loudly proclaimed him a right git for interrupting a perfectly pleasant conversation with his snoopiness. Of course, Peter had sized up the situation fairly quickly, eyes darting between Lily and Sirius, and then over to James and back to Lily.

“Ah,” he’d said a little too loudly, downing a little butterbeer. “Still haven’t told Prongs you fancy ‘im, eh?” At that, Sirius, yelling about cheating, had tackled Peter to the floor, who knew better than to fight it. Naturally, this had drawn the attention of everyone in Three Broomsticks. Including James, who, hands shoved in his pockets, sauntered over to Lily and watched his mates wrestle with a perplexed look on his face.

“The hell happened over here?”

Lily had shrugged, smiling up at him, pulling a bemused grin from him, “Haven’t the foggiest.”  

In the present, Lily had a little bounce in her step and was close to dragging James down the corridor. If Sirius wasn’t so chuffed for his mate, he’d had laughed his arse off at how whipped he looked. She had both hands wrapped around her larger one, and was all but skipping sideways just ahead of them, like she couldn’t quite contain her energy. James certainly had that effect on people.

“New rule for today. No more talk of last night. No more about Moony’s _problem_ , no Severus, or _Snivellus,_ for that matter. None of it.”

“As the lady commands,” James said, giving her a short bow before accepting a kiss to his cheek.

Sirius feigned gagging. “Revolting. Talk about knob shriveling.”

Lily tossed him a haughty glare, “You do _know_ that I share a room with Marlene, don’t you? And that everything you say to her, she tells me about?”

Sirius eyed her warily, and James watched their silent exchange with no small amount of bemusement. Not many people could go toe-to-toe with Sirius Black and come out the other side without being scarred or utterly embarrassed. And Sirius damn well knew it. He only wondered what she thought she knew. With an internal sigh, he admitted to himself that she probably knew enough. Especially if she was listening to Marlene _and_ Remus.

“You play dirty, Evans.”

“I fight fire with fire.”

“Hmmm. Fine. I withdraw my assessment. But! I’m in need of reinforcements, as no man can withstand all that shrewdness in his direction. Wormy said the lot of them were going to the lake.”

“South side?” James asked with a smirk.

“South side.”

“What’s at the south side of the lake?”

Both boys turned to look at her and informed her in tandem, “Our feeding dock.”

“Feeding?” she stopped short, though they kept walking. “Feeding _what_?” The boys just clapped each other on the shoulders and had a good laugh, not waiting for her to catch up. “ _James Potter_.”

“Yes, _deer_?”

Sirius’ howling laughter echoed down the corridor.

*

The last few weeks of their sixth year were tense but blissful. Sirius wasn’t expelled. Remus wasn’t convinced Snape would stay quiet about what he knew. James and Lily were attached at the hip. Peter quietly juggled two very nice girls who seemed to be okay with casual dates. Discord occurred, however, as Sirius and Marlene were constantly quarrelling. She was annoyed that Sirius was spending all of his free time with Remus, regardless of whether or not he’d spent any time with her. Not that she knew or understood why the extra time and groveling was so necessary; Sirius would be the last one to tell her. Instead, he shouted that she was unreasonable and jealous and making him miserable. Which led to a lot of tears on Marlene’s part and scowling on Sirius’. Remus was suspiciously quiet on the subject, as he was typically nearby when the couple came to blows, and knew precisely how they escalated.

In the common room two days before summer hols, Peter quietly informed James and Lily that Dorcas Meadowes had taken up with a dashing Hufflepuff and that Marlene had supposedly agreed to a date with Mulciber. This left Remus and Sirius simultaneously unattached. Lily intended to keep her thoughts to herself, but didn’t miss James’ bemused expression.

“You may be coming into some money here shortly, Wormtail,” James said, clicking his tongue. He and Lily were sat together in an armchair, her short legs arching over his lap, head leaning against his shoulder. Her feet dangled over the arm. She was surprised they managed to fit so comfortably; though she wouldn’t have put it past James to have charmed the damn thing. Peter was sprawled on the couch just over, limbs askew.

Peter sighed heavily at James’ comment, “I’d happily offer it to whatever deity necessary just to have it done with.”

“If only,” James muttered, slinging an arm around Lily’s neck. He absently pressed a kiss to her temple, making her eyes flutter shut for a second. She’d discovered that he was exceptionally affectionate in ways she still wasn’t used to. It made her a little daft, but not daft enough to misunderstand the implications of their exchange.

“Hold up,” she said quickly, “Are you implying what I think you’re implying?” Both boys turned to her with eyebrows to their hairlines and grins on their faces. Stupidly, she wondered if they’d ever spent time practicing that synchronicity. _Probably not_. She settled back against James. “It’s just that since…fourth year, maybe? I’ve had this _thought_.”

“That’s never good,” James teased. She pinched him, making Peter chuckle.

“Well, I thought that I was alone in thinking that a certain rumored playboy was somewhat enamored of a certain bookworm.” James and Peter hummed rather noncommittally. “Because that certain bookworm confessed to me once that he had specific _tastes_ , but didn’t like the labels that accompanied it?” She watched James and Peter shoot each other looks, silently speaking on a wavelength that Lily didn’t have the energy to be jealous of. Sure, she wanted that kind of closeness with another person, but it was difficult to begrudge them it.

James cleared his throat in a conspiratorial way that had Lily sitting upright to look at him. She was just too damn excited to be included in their secrets.

“In such a case, you should know that, hypothetically, a certain rumored playboy was once stunningly pissed and confessed to his remarkably good looking best mate that he, too, had specific _tastes_. _Tastes_ that were narrowed to a specification so exact that it was completely intolerable.”

“Completely,” Peter echoed.

“And, hypothetically, what did his remarkably conceited best mate tell him?”

James shook with silent laughter, grinning over at her like a goddamn fool. “Hypothetically, his stunningly gorgeous best mate told him to quit being a miserable prat and be honest with the subject of his particular affections.”

“Obviously he wasn’t.”

“Obviously he _was_. And, being the enormous prat he was raised to be, set out to earn a reputation to make said subject utterly wretched about his less than amiable response.”

“He _didn’t_.”

“He _did_ ,” Peter answered. “Our lovely friends are remarkably thick when it comes to each other.” James shot daggers at him for ruining their storytelling game, but Lily had bigger fish to fry.

“But Re-Moony _adores_ Padfoot. It’s sickening.” Peter nodded sagely at that. “He never told me Pads said something to him…”

James patted her head a little superciliously, “That’s why we ply them with fire whiskey.”

“Well why don’t you do something about it? Come up with one of your plans?”

“ _Do something_?” James said indignantly, “Evans, we’ve been _doing_ things about it for ages. There’s nothing for it.”

“We’ve locked them in cupboards.”

“Locked them _together_.”

“Gotten them sloshed.”

“Then left them alone.”

 “Dropped hints.”

“Sent phony gifts and valentines.”

Peter threw up his arms hopelessly, “They laugh, the cuddle, they snog, they ignore each other for a month. And round and round we go.”

“They’ve _snogged_?” she almost shrieked, but whisper-like.

“Repeatedly,” the boys answered in tandem.

“They don’t know we know,” James started.

“But we’re not _that_ thick,” Peter continued. They shared a glance.

“It usually happens when they think we’re pissed or too distracted with one of our ideas.”

“I, personally,” Peter said, holding a hand to his chest, “ _wish_ that we’d been too distracted.”

“On more than one occasion,” James finished in agreement and not without a grimace. “Not that we mind it…”

“We just don’t wanna see it,” Peter ended.

Lily was perfectly aware of how stunned she must have looked, her mouth gaping open as she struggled for words. James was definitely amused by her confusion. It was nice knowing things that she didn’t.

“But how did Marlene not see it?” she asked in a whisper, leaning in. “I mean, she _told_ me things. About her and Sirius? She was insistent that he was head over heels.”

James shrugged, “Maybe he was. Is. Tenacious, would be a more apt description of his emotional state.”

“His _tastes_ go in all directions.”

“But it’s always been Remus,” James finished with a quiet thoughtfulness that Lily hadn’t seen in him before. Their understanding of their friends’ relationship was so completely insightful that she found she’d lost her footing with them. It was one of the hundreds of thousands of things she’d misperceived about the four of them, that she was constantly renegotiating her understanding of them as a group and as individuals. Such an odd dynamic.

“We need to do something,” she told them firmly, arms folding across her chest in that snooty way she always had when she was telling them off.

“Nope,” James said as Peter said, “Hell no.”

“And why not? They’re your mates, aren’t they? Your best mates! And they’re miserable, and we should do something to make them…not miserable.”

Peter groaned, dramatically, slumping deep into the cushions, and threw an arm over his face. James chuckled, “Lily, darling, light of my life, queen of my heart: No.”

“ _Why?_ ” she whined, pouting.

“Because we learned the hard way last time that we ought not to meddle.”

“Tell her what happened, Prongs, just tell her,” Peter said pathetically from his collapsed position.

“Chaos. Mayhem. Calamity. It was the coldest ice age these somber walls have ever seen. It was a smack down of epic proportions. We’ll not see the likes of it again, not in this lifetime, if I’ve anything to say about it.”

“Pads transfigured our beds. Into coffins. _Coffins, Lily_.”

“Moony contaminated our food.”

Peter snorted, “ _Poisoned_ , Prongs, he poisoned our food.”

“Remember when my hair was teal for a week? That was _not_ my idea of getting attention. Foul color. Moony has a _genius_ for dyeing charms and Pads is devious enough to implement them.”

“Padfoot figured out how to make my tail stay after transforming. Bloody uncomfortable.”

“Not to mention I’m shite at history and potions. Got no help from their end.”

“But they were worse to each other.”

James shuddered, jerking Lily just so. “Always with the hexing and the shouting. Even the cat left.”

“Whose cat?” Lily asked.

James and Peter shot each other looks and shrugged. None of the four owned a cat. “No idea. But he wasn’t there for weeks.”

“Bloody nightmare, it was,” Peter muttered. “Didn’t square it til the full moon.”

 “What did you even do?” she asked reasonably. They both had the decency to look ashamed.

“It may or may not have involved some tactical letter writing and some polyjuice.”

“ _Merlin_.”

“Not the best plan,” James agreed.

“But we were rather desperate.”

“So,” James finished, “We solemnly swore we would never, ever interfere in their not-a-relationship relationship ever again. And that is why, despite all evidence pointing toward optimism, we will stay uncharacteristically and willfully silent on the matter. At least when speaking to them.”

“But!” she argued, “Don’t you think, after everything, that the two of them deserve a little happiness?”

“Of course!”

“But they’re happiest in their state of dysfunction,” Peter said morosely.

“Trust us, Lils, they’ll work it out. Always do.”

“Always?”

“Always.”

 

Out on the grounds, on some far, far side they’d managed to walk to, Remus sat with his back to a tree trunk reading with Sirius’ head in his lap. Absently, the young werewolf’s fingers massaged his friend’s scalp. Sirius was all but asleep, and far too tired to think or do or say anything. He accepted Remus’ ministrations gratefully and without comment. Remus had found him two hours before. He’d dumped Marlene in a fit of rage and stormed out to the lake to hex anything he could think of. She just didn’t understand what it was between him and Moony now. Hesitation, distrust, sharp silences. Fixing it meant a lot of groveling, bickering, begging. It meant that all Sirius could think about was how to make it up to him. He didn’t care about exams or Snivellus’ glares or dates with Marlene; he just wanted to _fix it_. He was a man obsessed with his mission. And he was humbled just to be allowed in Remus’ immediate sphere. He’d never been so grateful for anything in his life. But it was so fragile and Remus was so unsure of himself that Sirius refused to allow him even the space of a moment to forget what he meant to him. Marlene didn’t like it; she could piss off. With that thought, he looked up at Remus, and pulled a little on his book. Remus didn’t have to voice his question, just looked down.

“Dorcas got herself a boyfriend.”

Remus raised his eyebrows, “Cresswell, I believe. Good bloke.”

“Sorry bout that.”

“I turned her down, Pad, not the other way around.”

“Still.”

“Still, what? She should’ve hung around waiting for me to change my mind?” Sirius snorted, breaking eye contact. “Quite.” Though Sirius stayed quiet for a while, playing with a leaf he’d picked up, Remus didn’t immediately turn his attention back to the book levitating in front of him. His friend had only two moods: reckless and pensive. Reckless needed damage control. Pensive needed patience. Remus happened to be well-versed in both.

“Marlene’s seeing Mulciber. _Already_.” Remus grunted, not needing to express his opinion of the boy. He’d done so loudly and often enough that even the teachers knew it. “She hates me.”

“Her loss.”

“Is it?” Sirius craned his neck to look up at Remus again, eyes just a little too sad in his friend’s opinion. “Remus, what the fuck are we doing?”

“Sitting,” Remus deadpanned. Sirius scowled, tossing the leaf, and turned away with a huff that was suspiciously canine in quality. “We’ve talked about this,” Remus followed up in a whisper.

“ _You_ talked.”

Which happened to be true. And rare. Rare that Sirius didn’t shout and force his way through. Rare that he didn’t push and prod and push some more until the dam broke and he got what he wanted. Instead, it had been a quiet proposition. A quiet frown. A silent shaking of his head. Every time. Naturally, the heart of their dissent would rear its ugly head when they disagreed in front of Pete and James. When it was something stupid and petty and easily resolved, that’s when Sirius put his foot down. And Remus would eventually forgive him everything and give in to his demands because he knew that he was preventing Sirius from having what he really wanted. Always coming out the victor of their spats was Sirius’ consolation prize. Naturally, Sirius _hated_ it. And the cycle repeated.

“Fine,” Remus said wearily, closing his book and setting it aside, “You talk then.”

Sirius rolled to sit up straight facing his friend, eyes hard with that determined look that Remus loved and hated simultaneously.

 “I love you.”

“Yes.” It was hardly the first time he’d said it.

“And you love me.” Yes, him too.

“Yes.”

“But you don’t want to be with me…” Sirius started.

“No.”

“Even though we’re together all of the time.”

“Correct.”

“And even when one of us is seeing someone, we’re still together all of the time.”

“I suppose that’s true.”

“It is.”

“Then maybe that should change.”

“But neither one of us want it to.”

They stared each other down for a long moment, playing a game of chicken that Remus was much, much too used to. Merlin, Sirius was vexing. Even on his good days.

“That doesn’t mean it shouldn’t,” Remus exhaled finally, losing. Sirius expression turned positively feral.

“Who keeps Moony in line?”

Prongs herded. Wormtail distracted. Padfoot _engaged_.

“You do.”

“And who makes sure you take care of yourself after?”

“Well…”

Sirius’ brows shot straight up. Peter and James were better at getting him prepared, but they were exhausted afterward.

“You do.”

“And who’s the solid pillar of rebellion that doesn’t give a flying fuck what anyone has to say or think about you or anyone else he cares about?”

“You again.” Remus sighed, wishing that he’d shut this down at the start. Sirius had increasingly become more adamant and logical in his presentation of the state of things between them. Barring the catastrophe of the previous full moon, it was getting substantially more difficult to reason with him. “ _Sirius_ ,” he groused.

“Remus.”

“It’s already a given that I can’t marry anyone.” Werewolf.

“Not really an issue here.” Gay.

“No one will ever hire me. Anywhere.” Werewolf.

“Well, you’d be fired the second they caught the scent.” Gay.

“Me, as I am, would ruin you. Eventually someone would figure it out.” Both.

“Disinherited blood-traitor,” Sirius snipped. “Besides, the important people already know.”

 “You deserve someone whole.”

“And you deserve someone who’ll tell you off for thinking you’re not.”

“We’d kill each other.”

“Regularly.”

More glaring.

“You’re barking,” Remus said dolefully, not even able to muster up an equitable amount of earnestness to be truly insulting. He was quickly losing ground here, and he could feel it. Could feel himself caving a fraction per second. He was just so damn _tired_. He was tired of difficult and complicated and impossible. And Sirius had a way of making everything sound easy. Simple. Entirely within reach. Sirius must have caught wind of his reluctant yielding because he was moving and suddenly too close and touching and pinning him to the ground, hovering over him, and Remus didn’t really have any defense against any of it. Never had. Couldn’t figure a way to create one.

“Only during a full moon,” Sirius teased quietly, making Remus roll his eyes. Stupid Padfoot and his stupid puns and his stupid, stupid self for being charmed by it. Remus felt Sirius tense and drop his forehead to rest on his. “Please, Remmy? _Please_.” Internally, Remus groaned because he’d never been able to resist the begging, especially not when he used that nickname. No one else called him that. Sirius made sure of it.  Sirius was nuzzling at his cheek, arms braced beside his head, the weight of him a steady, solid pressure. It wasn’t _fair_. “I’ll do anything,” he breathed, “You know I would.”

“You don’t have to do anything,” Remus murmured back.

“Exactly why I would.”

“We’d fight all the time.”

“We do that now.”

“I hate PDA.”

“I only did it to annoy you.” Sirius bit lightly at his jaw. Probably somewhat true.

“I’m already a target enough as it is.”

“And you think I wouldn’t defend you?”

“You shouldn’t _have to_.”

“I do it _anyway_ ,” Sirius sang back stubbornly.

“Do you really have an answer to everything?”

“Yes!” he barked, pulling up just enough that they could look each other in the eye, both completely exasperated. Remus wrinkled his nose in irritation, prompting Sirius, being the arse he was, to kiss it.

“Prongs and Wormtail will know the _second_ we go back to the tower.”

Sirius bobbled his head at that, “So we’ll avoid them.”

“All summer?”

“As long as I’ve got something _better_ to do, then yes. All summer.”

Remus’ eyes narrowed. “You live with the Potters.”

“Sure, but they like me better than Jamie, and let me do as I please. Not to mention, little Prongsie will have his hands full of Evans, if I’m not mistaken.” Remus faux gagged. “Quite,” he mimicked.

“Pete will know. Pete always knows.”

“Yes, but he never tells anyone anything, does he?”

“No.” Damn him. He’d just lost his footing. And Sirius kissed him to emphasize it. He kissed him slow and deep and so carefully that Remus could scream. Sirius tended to treat him as if he were fragile, as if he were anything but what he was. But it was never disrespect. It was a challenge. When faced with aggression, Remus backed off. It was in his nature, he had no use for fighting. Sirius knew that. Sirius knew that if he forced it, Remus would balk. Instead he probed gently. He laid everything out bare, threw down his figurative gloves and waited. And it pissed Remus off. He couldn’t help it, couldn’t resist, he’d fight back.

And that’s when he surged up, hands clasping Sirius’ face, forcing a more heated, aggressive response. Remus distracted him, and then rolled so he was on top with a better, more controlling angle. They came back together like a deafening crack of lightning on a hot night. Brutal and relentless, wanting to bruise and scar in case they never got another chance. It was an argument, their own brand of call and response that left no clear victor and gave them shortcuts for the next bout. Remus felt Sirius’ hands tighten on his thighs, pulling them to straddle his hips. Sirius felt Remus’ hands thread through his hair, gripping and tugging. They pushed and pressed and struggled with each other, a mix of thrilled and angry that they couldn’t feel with anyone else. They were tearing each other apart, breaking themselves down, and they were both well aware that they straddled the line where it could mean nothing or it could mean everything. But Remus never let it get that far.

Godric, he wanted to. It would be the easiest thing he could ever do. Effortless in a way that absolutely nothing in his life ever was. Shoving Sirius over the edge and jumping down after him would be so simple and easy that it terrified him. They both knew what was at the bottom. Remus cared. Sirius didn’t. Sirius didn’t know what was good for him. But Sirius knew what was good for Remus.

It seemed like days, weeks, _years_ before Remus roughly pulled away, gasping. Sirius tried to follow, was stopped by a gentle head-butt. This had never been the hard part. Even the first time, it hadn’t been so hard to admit and give in to the attraction. Remus had been eager and Sirius never denied himself anything. It was the falling apart while holding on thing that ate at them. There was a deep store of bitterness and resentment between their lungs, and Remus thought he would suffocate.

“You’ll hate me,” he panted out. “Not today or tomorrow or in a year, but soon enough.”

“There’s a long list of people I hate, Remmy, you ain’t on it. And if you want to be, you’ll have to try a lot harder.” Sirius caught his mouth again for a hard kiss, one that Remus almost gave into. Almost.

“Dumbledore will have opinions.”

Sirius blinked at him. “He have opinions about Dorcas too?”

“Yes.”

Sirius growled and flipped them again, shoving Remus roughly to the ground. “Fuck ‘im. What he don’t know won’t hurt ‘im.” Remus felt his stomach flip a little. Sirius lost that posh accent, his formal language, whenever they were like this. And it made Remus ache, so he pulled Sirius’ head down to his again, and licked his way into his mouth so that he would stop talking altogether. The air between them was languid and heated and Remus was sick unto death of consequences and reasons and excuses. For a brief span of a second, he wished he was the wolf, and that Sirius would transform and they could run into the Forbidden Forest and never look back. Just stay that way. But it was a bright, short flash of a second, and he forced his eyes open to watch Sirius. The latter’s eyes opened slowly, lips still pressing, until he ended it by nuzzling his mouth.

“I’m not walking away this time,” Sirius growled out, hands clenching where he held onto Remus. “You can’t make me.”

“I should try,” Remus whispered.

“ _Don’t._ ” Sirius rasped out, “Please don’t.”

From experience, Remus knew Sirius was about to cry. Instead of arguing, he pulled the other boy’s head down to rest on his shoulder, face shoved into the crook of his neck. Instead, he stroked Sirius’ hair with one hand, rubbed his back with the other, and promised he wouldn’t. It was a fearsome thing, the way Sirius shook at that, gripping onto Remus so tightly he knew he’d bruise. People were always making Sirius leave, and maybe it was about time that stopped. They stayed that way for an hour or so, just taking the comfort the other offered, content for the moment that whatever was between them was staying this time. That they might actually get to enjoy it. That they might actually keep it. But then it started to get dark and dinner was soon, so they pulled themselves up, brushed each other off, and headed back up to the castle. They clasped each other’s hand until they ran into the first group of people, then Sirius gave Remus’ hand a squeeze and dropped it. No PDA, he’d promise.

But once they were back up in the common room, Sirius following Remus through the portrait hole, it didn’t even matter. James and Lily and Peter were sat in front of the fire, Lily drowsily curled up in James’ lap, and all three swiveled their gazes the moment the pair shut the door behind them. For a moment, both parties just stared at the other, an odd back and forth of rapid but silent questioning: _What’s going on? Where have you been? Are you okay?_ Every question was answered, however, when Remus slowly reached back and took Sirius’ hand in his.

Wordlessly, James tossed a pouch, clinging with galleons, over to Peter’s outstretched hand. Peter caught it and silently stuffed it into his pocket.

“ _Gits_ ,” Sirius hissed. Lily burst into sluggish, spluttering laughter, and hid her face in James’ hair. “Come on, Moony, I still need to pack,” he snapped imperiously. Remus rolled his eyes as he was pulled through the common room over to the stairs. He managed to whip around and spit his tongue out at Lily, who made a reciprocating face.

“Oi, Padfoot!” James shouted after them. “You know you can’t pack Moony in that trunk of yours! I don’t care how big it is, s’not safe!” A loud string of vulgar abuse was shouted down the stairwell, but no one bothered to interpret it. Still, he flashed a grin down at Lily who was watching him and shaking with laughter. “Told ya,” he teased.

“But how long’ll it last, Prongs?”

James heard him, but kept looking at Lily who was looking right back. “I reckon it’s the long haul, Wormy.” But Peter had faded fast and was snuffling to sleep, too warm and comfortable to dwell on the catastrophes that might befall them. Lily’s eyes were bright and full of mischief as they darted across his features, her lips pinched together to fend off what was probably a brilliant smile. “You look like you’re scheming, Evans,” he stage whispered.

“That’s because I am,” she whispered back, although much more quietly.

“Do I even want to know?” She shook her head slowly, shoulders still shaking. “Good,” he said, wriggling around and adjusting her to get more comfortable in the chair. “Tell me how it works out, yeah?” He was already drifting off to sleep a little.

“Yeah,” Lily agreed, pressing a kiss to his shoulder, “I will.”

*

The start of seventh year brought a good many surprises. For one, the infamous Evans-Potter couple had been named Head Boy and Girl; a fascinating turn of events for everyone in their circle. Sirius was so disappointed that he refused to speak to James for a week, declaring him a villain and a traitor for accepting the position (which he only did because Lily promised a lot of late nights and privacy). Eventually, Sirius came to grips that his best mate was a randy bastard and that just maybe having someone on the inside could be beneficial. James was pleased. Lily was not.

Remus and Sirius allowed their relationship to become public on the third day of classes. Well, Remus kissed Sirius in the Great Hall one morning to shut him up, and since so many girls were still hung up on everyone’s favorite bad boy, the entire school knew before the end of second period. Remus was floored. Sirius was annoyed. But that was mostly because they had several encounters during lunch; a few girls saying it was such a waste, a couple of boys making passes at Remus, and some mocking from a group of Slytherins. The first was ignored. The second was met with a couple of mild hexes. The last resulted in Sirius’ fist in Mulciber’s face. In James’ official report of the incident:   _A particularly vile student of a particularly vile house made a derogatory comment to a strapping student of the same year of a much better house, and the former must have slipped on some pumpkin juice because he fell right into the fist of a rather outstanding student who happens to be the boyfriend of the offended strapping student._ Lily edited the report heavily before it was filed.

When Sirius flew at his victim, Remus, though irritated, made no comment. In fact, he was hardly surprised, much less moved, by the whole thing. His head turned with Sirius’ movement and he watched it all unfold so placidly that Peter was astonished.

“I knew this was going to happen. Knew it. I told him.” There was a crack as Sirius fist landed squarely on Mulciber’s face, making everyone collectively cringe, letting out noises of sympathy. A crowd of Gryffindors shot up from the table to break it up.

“That he’d break Mulciber’s nose?”

Remus shrugged. “That someone would make some vile quip about us and he’d lose it.”

“You don’t seem so bothered by it.”

“M’not,” Remus agreed mildly, sipping at his tea as Sirius tried to wrestle his way through a wall of boys that had formed to block his path to a simpering, and now bleeding, Mulciber. “Told ‘im if we did this, _he_ was doing all the fighting.” The pair of them winced in tandem as Sirius gut checked Avery in response to Mulciber calling him a poof, allowing Sirius to dive after Mulciber and attempt to wring his head off. There were shouts and people ducking out of the way as, James, sprinting in from a nearby wing, leapt from the tabletop and dove straight on top of Sirius’ back, wrapping his arms under his shoulders and his legs around his thighs so he could roll him off Mulciber. Effectively throwing Sirius off of himself, he threw a stunning spell at his friend and a body bind at Mulciber, rolled to get to his feet, all grace and litheness, and stood, straightening his robes as if he’d merely stood up from his seat instead of breaking up a fight. It was bloody acrobatic, is what it was.

“Nothing to see here!” he bellowed over the student body, authoritative now that he’d gotten to his feet. “Move along, move along! Be about your business! _Leave him Dolohov! MacNair if you raise your fucking wand, so help me Godric!”_ James set about, shooing bystanders and threatening anyone trying to help Mulciber or Sirius, who was groaning and spitting abuse at James for his _goddamn perfect aim_ and _why the bloody hell?_ With the area cleared out, he undid the body bind on Mulciber, and told him to shove off to the hospital wing, and then turned on his friend with his hands on his hips.

Sirius flopped down onto the bench next to Remus, his head dropping back.

“It’s like you’re trying to get yourself killed,” James snipped, climbing to sit next to him. Sirius rolled his eyes and gave his hand a good squeeze before throwing it in Remus’ direction, who studied it before healing it. “The first week of classes? With Mulciber? You know how he likes to corner people when they’re alone. Now you’re going to have to be on guard for the next month. _At least_. The both of you.”

“Blah blah blah, he’d do it anyway. Least I broke his face first.” Retrieving his hand from Remus, he rolled his head to look at James with a pout, “Are you giving me detention?” James flung a hand into his exposed stomach, making him groan laughingly.

“Fuck you, yes. Everyone _saw_ , including the other prefects. There’ll be a coup if I don’t.”

“What’s the damage?” Sirius sighed.

“From my exhaustive experience, a week with Minnie. So she can lecture you about anger management.”

“Cruel,” Peter said, shoving a pumpkin pasty into his mouth.

“If I don’t do it, Evans will come up with something worse. Now what the _bloody hell_ did he say to you?”

“He didn’t,” Sirius snapped. James responded with his classic “I do not have time to sort through your melodramatically vague bullshit” face. “He didn’t say anything to _me_.” James leaned in order to make eye contact with Remus who confirmed it with an indifferent shrug.

James dropped his head to the table with a theatrically loud sigh turned growl, “Your sudden noble streak for your sodding love affair is going to get us _murdered_.” He pulled himself up dramatically from the table, shoved his hands in his pockets, and started walking in the direction of the hospital wing.

“Where’re ya goin’?” Peter asked loudly around his pasty.

“To threaten Mulciber!” he shouted, throwing a hand up in the air to gesture uselessly, not turning around. “Maybe smother him in his bed, I dunno yet!” It made the trio he left behind chuckle. They shook so hard from their laughter that they kind of collapsed into each other, mostly at the thought of James Potter having to _discipline_ someone.

“I _would_ feel bad,” Remus started, shaking his head into his tea.

“But the tosser deserves it. Accepting head boy just to boff Evans,” Sirius grumbled, turning in his seat to face his forgotten food. People were filtering back through the aisle again, clapping Sirius on the shoulder and congratulating him as they went. Sirius just nodded in response, smirking at the attention. Wasn’t feeling it, though, from what Remus could tell. Peter grabbed up a few more pasties, grumbling that he was late for Charms, and then bolted from the hall. Remus watched him go, and then leaned into Sirius’ shoulder, dropping his nose to it. Sirius automatically turned to quickly kiss his head.

“It won’t always be like this,” Remus promised, his voice muffled by his boyfriend’s shoulder. Sirius just grunted. “It won’t,” he insisted, “Mulciber will get bored.”

“I can’t even begin to tell you how little I care about Mulci-poo,” Sirius told him snidely.

“Had me fooled,” Remus straightened, wrapping an ankle around Sirius’. Remus didn’t like PDA, but Sirius was exceptionally tactile and starved for affection, so they’d agreed that Remus could handle it at his own pace. He was very impressed with Sirius’ restraint.

Sirius shrugged, using his foot to jerk Remus closer. “I was making a point.”

“Ah,” Remus breathed, “Offend and perish.”

“Something like that.” He hunched over, turning slightly so that he was facing Remus with his brow furrowed. “I don’t want them chasing you off.” Remus arched a brow, making Sirius sigh. “I don’t want them to get so bad that you decide _this_ ,” he gestured between them, “isn’t worth it.”

“I did set that tone, didn’t I?” Sirius didn’t make any comment, just stared at the table. Instead, Remus twisted and grabbed Sirius’ face to kiss him firmly, meaningfully. He kissed his top lip, offering Sirius the bottom so that they were anchored together for that space of a moment. An affirmation, a confirmation, a prayer. When Remus pulled back, he could see the dazed look in Sirius’ eyes, and cheered internally for being the one to put it there.

“Second time you’ve done that today,” Sirius whispered.

Remus hummed, keeping his hands on Sirius’ face. “It’s going to take much more than a few passing comments for me to run this time,” he said quietly. “Much, much more. Understand?” Sirius nodded, making Remus quirk his lips. “So no more fists in Slytherin faces?”

“No promises there.” Sirius bit out at Remus’ hand. “How about this: if they come at me, I’ll play it cool. But if it’s you, I kill ‘em.”

“What a compromise,” Remus murmured, voice saturated with his signature sarcasm.

“Anything for you, Remmy,” Sirius chirped facetiously.

Remus snorted and kissed Sirius’ forehead before releasing him. “Now hurry along, we’ve got Herbology in ten.”

Sirius groaned.

There were four more fights for Remus’ honor before the week was out, though none were as public as the first, so James’ hand wasn’t forced. Remus remained ever the pacifist, merely body binding the friends of whoever Sirius went after, and then held up a wall until it was finished. When the instigator was properly knocked down a peg or sufficiently hexed, Sirius would saunter over to Remus and kiss him thoroughly before they left. Word swiftly flew across the castle that anyone commenting on Black and Lupin’s relationship had better be prepared for a long visit to Madame Pomfrey. Run-ins with other students died off pretty quickly, and Remus figured they’d been given a reprieve. That is, until Dumbledore sent Remus an owl requesting a meeting.

His first decision was not to tell Sirius about it. His boyfriend had done enough fighting on their behalf, and this throw down wouldn’t be physical. He sent his response to the headmaster agreeing to a time when Sirius was supposed to be in a different class than him. At the very least, it would make it more difficult for Sirius to figure it out. Trouble was that Sirius could always sniff out Remus’ secrets. After all, he’d been the first to piece together his furry little problem, the first to know when he’d executed a prank without them. In fact, pranking Sirius had become altogether useless for Remus, since Sirius usually figured it out first. Best to team up.

The start of the meeting with Dumbledore went about as expected. Warnings about relationships. How flirtations were fine, but romantic entanglements might make things complicated for both him and Sirius. Remus was hardly shocked that the headmaster had no comment about the homosexual bit. The werewolf had theories on that. He simply reiterated the same things he’d said about Dorcas Meadowes, about Remus’ future, and the dangers of too many students knowing about Remus’ condition. It was more of a security measure, to prevent more mishaps similar to Snape’s, and to prevent parents from pitching up a fuss about his presence there. They’d hardly have any ground to stand on since it had been more than six years and there had only been one minor incident.

“Regardless, the last thing that you need, Remus, is more stress when you’re so close to your NEWTs,” Dumbledore said gravely. Remus was hardly listening. It wasn’t as if he didn’t know that. It wasn’t as if he didn’t realize how rare an opportunity he’d been given by coming to Hogwarts. He was simply exhausted of it being thrown in his face by administration every other moment. James would tell him that it wasn’t that he didn’t need more stress, it was that he needed more _fun_. Sirius would recommend a prank and alcohol. Peter would recommend just the alcohol. James would find a way to incorporate both. Like the loud and very unauthorized Gryffindor-themed celebration on the Quidditch pitch last spring, which ended with the Marauders passing a bottle of firewhiskey around under the stands while they hid from the prefects who weren’t Remus. Dumbledore didn’t have a clue as to what Remus needed.

“…must confess, Mr. Lupin…” Remus’ attention snapped back to the old man in front of him. “I am quite pleased that the two of you have come to your senses.” He shot Remus a look over his half-moon spectacles, the traces of a smile on his lips. “More than one member of the faculty owed me a significant amount of sickles.”

Remus covered his mouth with his hand, feeling the wide smile treacherously stretch his across his lips. His upper body shook with silent laughter. Was it appropriate to laugh at the fact that your headmaster had wagered on your love life?

“I _am_ concerned, Remus,” Dumbledore admitted softly, “however, I trust that you will convey those concerns to Mr. Black and establish some…Shall we call them ground rules?”

Remus shifted uncomfortably in the chair, biting his lip. “Professor, I’m quite certain that there is not a rule on the books that Sirius hasn’t deliberately and happily broken. Some more than once.”

“Well,” Dumbledore said sitting back, “perhaps he’ll need a proper _incentive_.” He didn’t check, but Remus was almost absolutely certain that the whole of his body flushed a bright red. Regardless, he nodded. Remus idly wondered if that had been his plan for James with Lily. Interesting gamble, leashing all of that energy. They discussed a couple more trivial matters before Dumbledore dismissed him.

The worst part about his initial decision to keep the meeting a secret was that Remus had been _expecting_ to see Sirius posted up by a pillar across from the griffin. Because it was Sirius, and his intuitive leaps were astounding. When he spotted the other boy, Remus shoved his hand in his pockets with a sigh and went to meet his fate.

“How—?” Sirius cut him off by flashing the map before shoving it back into his robe. “Bloody James,” he grumbled. James was the map keeper and needed a damn good reason to hand the thing over. It was a hard and fast rule.

“Were you even going to tell me?”

“Absolutely not,” Remus deadpanned, shoving by him to go back to the Tower. No way was he dropping into Runes late with Sirius on his tail.

“And why the hell not?” Sirius shouted from behind him. “If Dumbledore’s got something to say…!”

“Dumbledore _always_ has something to say, it’s his job.”

“Moony!”

“I know, I know,” he stopped and turned, holding up his hands in surrender. “He’s just _concerned_ , okay? I told you he would be. And there was no reason to get you all up in arms and fretting over nothing.”

“I do not _fret_.”

“You’re worse than Euphemia.”

“Take that back!”

“I will not,” Remus said mildly, starting to walk away at a furious pace. He smirked at the sound of Sirius clamoring to catch up; much to the latter’s ire, Remus was much taller and therefore had longer strides.

“You should have told me,” Sirius grumbled from next to him.

“Maybe,” he agreed with a sigh. “But haven’t you been in enough fights this week?”

“You fought?” Sirius asked, grabbing his elbow so they stopped. “I mean, you like…argued? With Dumbledore?”  Sirius’ face had completely softened, eyes so full of something ridiculously soppy that Remus didn’t want to think about it.

“You don’t _argue_ with Dumbledore, you do what he says or you do the opposite.”

“And you’re doing…?”

Remus smirked and tugged him in for a quick kiss. “What he says.” He didn’t need to see Sirius’ expression to know how confused he was. “The arse had a wager going with the faculty. Seems he’s come into some money since last week.” Sirius’ barking laughter warmed him from the inside all the way out to his fingers and toes. He slung his big arm around Remus and tugged him back to press a kiss to his temple, lingering there before letting him go.

“I think I might actually like the wanker a little now.”

“You’ve always said he’s got style.” They walked along, Sirius leading, not needing to ask where Remus had been headed.

“Yes, but I thought it was restricted by the wand shoved up his arse.”

“He may surprise you yet.”

They talked quietly about their plans for the weekend as they walked along. Remus had prefect meetings and had to meet with students he was going to be tutoring. Sirius had Quidditch and homework to ignore. Sirius was sure that they could talk James into giving them the map and cloak for a Hogsmeade run, as Frank Longbottom wanted firewhiskey for the start of year party in the Room of Requirement.

“Frank just wants Alice to get sloshed…” Remus started grumbling, getting a little protective of his friend.

“Longbottom can’t hold his liquor any better than Peter. Never fear for dear Alice’s virtue. Besides, next to Evans, she’s the last woman I would want to cross…have you seen that new hex she’s figured out? Your eyes _burn_ …”

They were about to give the fat lady the password (not before Sirius shamelessly flirted with her, of course), when James came flying down the corridor, barely skirting the corner, reaching out for them.

“Abort, abort, abort, abort!” He screeched as he snatched up their robes, continuing to run with his friends in his wake.

“Prongs, what the fuck—?” Sirius bellowed before he got thwacked in the head with a live fish. “ _Fuck_. Potter! Explain!” They were still sprinting down the hall, taking every corner they could, and started flying down the stairs.

“Slytherins!” he shouted over his shoulder. Remus used an arm to deflect another fish and Sirius jerked Remus out of the way of a fleeing first year who happened to be screaming.

“First years! Potions!” James continued explaining. They skidded to a stop in front of the Great Hall, where a wave of first years had fled, yelling and running and generally inciting panic. The three of them spotted a flash of bright red hair accompanied by a furious looking Lily Evans. James’ gulp was audible, eyes bugging out. “ _Run_.” They darted for the entrance hall, just as huge waves of water started pouring out of the upper floors and onto the unsuspecting students below, flooding the main floor.

“Where’s Peter?” Remus demanded breathlessly as they hurdled the railings to sprint toward the lake.

“ _Leave him_ ,” James insisted, “He’ll find his own way!”

When they got to the lake, they stopped again, turning to look at the havoc being unleashed on the castle. Water was gushing out of open windows, there were students hopping onto brooms from their dormitories, fleeing from all available doors. And the three of them just broke down laughing hysterically. As they collapsed onto the grass, Peter transformed from his rat state and fell with them.

“Oh _Godric_ , I didn’t think I was gonna make it out of there,” he admitted breathlessly between giggles.

“What the hell _happened?_ ” Remus asked, turning on his side to look at James, who was still giggling.

“We lined the first years’ cauldrons with— _snort_ —an aguamenti serum Pete came up with. _Water dragons_. Merlin, it was brilliant.” He clapped Peter on the shoulder, clutching his stomach as he laughed.

Peter snickered, “It interacted with the pepper up potion they were brewing,” he giggled too hard to speak, “and well,” he tossed a hand toward the castle, “You can see what happened.”

Remus felt Sirius’ heavy arm drape over his waist, pulling him in as Sirius shoved his face between Remus’ shoulder blades. “Lily is going to _kill_ you, Prongs.”

“Death would be a sweet escape from what she likely has in store for me,” James said dramatically, throwing an arm over his face.

“And since when do you plot without us?” Sirius demanded to know.

James waved him off, “All Wormtail. It was his chef-d'œuvre to start the year off right. And who am I to deny him?” Sirius grumbled something uncomplimentary into Remus’ back, making him chuckle.

“Padfoot says you’re selfish bastards.”

“I’m sure that’s the edited version,” James retorted primly.

“Sorry lads,” Peter interjected, “If all parties had been privy, Lily would have sniffed us out. Couldn’t risk it on this one.”

Sirius nodded against Remus’ back, “Padfoot says you’re forgiven.”

“Thank Merlin,” James deadpanned.

“Don’t be thankful just yet,” came a nasty, snippy voice from not too far off. The four of them raised their heads to see Lily, arms crossed, hip jutted out, and her brows raised high. Not a good sign.

“Lily, darling, light of my life…” James said rolling to his knees with his arms spread wide.

“You childish _half-witted_ …”

“I think that exceptional bit of magic required a full-witted man.”

“I cannot believe that you flooded the bloody castle! You are Head Boy! Do you know how irresponsible and dangerous and completely unethical—!” She was cut off by James leaping to his feet and dashing over to kiss her senseless. The trio on the ground rolled their eyes. Lily, however, caved in for a fraction of a second before punching him in the shoulder and shoving him off. “ _Damn you_ , Potter!”

“Sorry, love, couldn’t help myself. Love it when you’re yelling at me.” This led to a round of bickering and barbs thrown back and forth before they were snogging again. In order to avert his gaze, Remus turned in Sirius’ grip, so they were face to face.

“For the best really,” he mumbled, dropping his head to Sirius’ chest, “You’ve already got a month’s worth of detentions.”

The water had stopped pouring out every opening, presumably because someone had discovered a counter-spell to stop the water flow and a clean up to charm the rest away. Kingsley probably, Remus thought idly, or else it was Flitwick. Thankfully he and Sirius had been at Dumbledore’s office, so their alibi was solid. James would deal with Lily. Because, knowing Peter, there would be no trace of evidence left.

“Still getting ‘im back.”

“Absolutely,” Remus agreed in a murmur.

“Hair green and silver?”

“Leftovers from last time. Charmed it to last longer.”

“Good,” Sirius grunted. He threw a leg over Remus’ hip, trapping him there.

 

 

 

 

 

 


End file.
